The Keebler Elves are known for their skill with cookies and Jeff Beauregard Sessions is absolutely going to E.L. Fudge you right up against his tree trunk once he gets you alone. His confirmation hearings proved he's a man able to keep a secret, so you needn't worry that he won't be discreet when it comes to nuzzling his little Keebler into your cookie jar.
Like a rabbit on Adderall, Sessions is lithe and remarkably quick. Bring extra lube to avoid a serious friction burn. A fine coating of peach fuzz over 90 percent of his body ensures the entire ride will feel like being ravaged by the most comfortable pair of pajamas ever, albeit it one with small, wiry hands.