Man if it was an accident, someone had better have died to inconvenience me this much. Obviously I don't mean that, but ...
-checks over shoulders to ensure the car is empty-
... I do mean it. There needs to be a body count. I want today to be a national day of mourning. Today needs to be a calamity, a cautionary tale, an event vaguely referenced in multiple cultures' oral traditions for generations.
Ok, that might be a bit much.
That lane's moving faster. Let's get up in that.
Come on, let me in.
Let me in.
MOTHERFUCKER LET ME IN.
Ok, he let me in. I'll wave.
Ok now the other lane is faster. Of course it is. But I'm going to stick with this one. Normally this lane always gets faster by the off-ramp but is then slower by the on-ramp. This will work. I can feel it.
Ok, so it's backwards today, because of again, no doubt, my enemies.
Oh well that's better. Now we've all come to a stop. That's at least fair.
No. No. It's not fair. I'm the important one here. I should be going. People should be pulling over to make way for me. People should be driving into the ditch for me. Bus driver all yelling for everyone to try and keep their heads above water, me honking cheerily as I scoot by.
"Safe travels, sir!"