The Sex Scene That's So Hot, No One Else Would Publish It

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The Sex Scene That's So Hot, No One Else Would Publish It

Mrs. Teachington's boobs flopped from side to side as she thanked Tommy for staying after class.

"Thank you for staying after class, Tommy," she said, boobily. "You're probably wondering why I asked you to stay after class. The reason I had you stay after class is because you're so hot."

Tommy said, "I think you're hot too. Do you want to have sex with me?"

"Yes," she said. Her boobs flopped faster in excitement. "Thankfully, you are of legal age to have sex with me."

"Yes, I am," said Tommy. "You can tell that there's proof because I have a mustache."

Tommy smiled, making his mustache spread across his face. It was badass.

"Stand up and show me your dinger," said Mrs. Teachington. "Then, I'll show you my boobs."

Tommy laughed and said, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! No, you show me your boobs first. Then I'll show you my dinger."

The Sex Scene That's So Hot, No One Else Would Publish It
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Mrs. Teachington liked that, and it made her breathe really hard because she was so horny. Women love a man who takes charge and makes them go first. With one swift motion, she pulled off her shirt, her other shirt, and her bra. Her boobs flopped against her stomach because they were so huge. They were at least 100 ZZZs. On the ends were circles that sometimes babies use for milk. They looked like little hats.

"Now please show me your noodle," she said.

Tommy unbuttoned his pants and then did a sweet back flip out of his jeans. They fell to the floor right where he was standing, and when he landed, his dingaling flopped around. Mrs. Teachington began to cry because it was so beautiful.

"Why are you crying," asked Tommy. "Did I hurt you with my back flip?"

"No, it's just that your winkie is so beautiful," she said. "It has to be at least a thousand inches long. Since you're a man and I'm a woman, and we love each other very much, let's rub our thingies together to make a baby."

Tommy held out his hand and yelled, "NO!" Mrs. Teachington stopped and her boobs flopped around from stopping so fast.

"But why, Tommy? Don't you want to do sex with me?"

"I do," said Tommy. "But first, we have to use protection so that you don't have a baby and so that we don't get diseases that will ruin our lives. I will use a condom, because condoms are what stops babies and diseases from happening."

Tommy pulled a condom out of his pocket and blew it up and tied the end to his peeper. It looked like a boob.

"There," said Tommy. "Now we can do sex and a baby will not come out of your butt."

"You are smart, Tommy. The smartest man in the whole school."

The Sex Scene That's So Hot, No One Else Would Publish It
Eyecandy Images/Eyecandy Images/Getty Images

"Thank you," said Tommy. "Now take off your underwear, and we can do sex. Don't be ashamed about your no-no area. I already know that you don't have a penis, because girls don't have a penis. Only boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina on their butts."

"That is right," said Mrs. Teachington. Then she let Tommy touch her boobs. They were soft and they jiggled. Tommy's wanger got even bigger, and Mrs. Teachington cried even harder. When she was done crying, Tommy got behind her and rubbed his dong on her butt.

"Yes, yes, yes," she yelled as he rubbed faster, and then white pee came out and bounced off of the condom so that they didn't have a baby or make a disease.

"That was the best sex I ever had," said Mrs. Teachington.

Just then, Kevin Janson came in and said, "There you are! I'm going to beat you up because I'm jealous of you!" And he was holding a knife.

Tommy did another back flip and aimed his giant willy at Kevin's hand. It flopped against his hand and made the knife shoot out. Tommy landed and pulled out a gun and shot Kevin right in the face.

"Noooooo," Kevin screamed. And then he fell over dead. Kevin's mom came in just then and began to laugh.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I always hated Kevin because he's a butthole. He picks on other people for no reason, and nobody ever does anything about it. He never gets in trouble. Thank you, Tommy!"

Tommy said, "You're welcome."

Then Kevin's mom started rubbing her boobs. Mrs. Teachington started rubbing her boobs, too, and they both said at the same time, "Please have sex with both of us, Tommy."

The Sex Scene That's So Hot, No One Else Would Publish It
Ryan McVay/Photodisc/Getty Images

Tommy rubbed his wang-a-lang on their butts, and they rubbed their boobs on each others' boobs. Tommy was so good at it that he had sex for 200 hours, and Mrs. Teachington and Kevin's mom gave him a brand new PlayStation 4.

The end.

Or is it the end?

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For some sex scenes of the more subtle variety, check out The 5 Greatest Movie Sex Scenes (Where Nobody Has Sex), and you'll butter your biscuit when you read The 12 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Movie Sex Scenes Ever.

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The Sex Scene That's So Hot, No One Else Would Publish It


Check out Robert Evans' A Brief History of Vice: How Bad Behavior Built Civilization, a celebration of the brave, drunken pioneers who built our civilization one seemingly bad decision at a time.

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