Men and a select group of hirsute ladies are burdened with an ever-lengthening shag that oozes from their faces like the blob squeezing its way through a pasta strainer. Some choose to allow this growth to Duck Dynasty itself all over the place in the form of erratic and ghastly beards that collect food scraps and small birds, while others choose to do what that guy in The Hunger Games does and use an electric trimmer to shave a geometric mental breakdown on their own faces. Some simply remove it all. But not so fast! Science tells us we can use that old-growth Connecticut Valley shrubbery to our advantage when it comes to boudoir adventuring.
According to sensual research conducted in Australia, so you know it's life-or-death awesome, women rate heavy stubble as the most attractive kind of facial hair a man can have, above full beards, light stubble, and clean-shaven. Rick from The Walking Dead is a nonstop Big O for the ladies. Plus, it's great for scratching itches!
Or scrubbing those difficult pans!
Why so sexy with stubble but not a full beard? The hypothesis is that it's a balance of masculinity and aggressiveness. With stubble you look manly and mature. With a full beard you look like dad or a crazy mountain cannibal, neither of which ranks particularly high on the average woman's scale of sexual attraction. With no stubble or just light stubble you look like a desperately hormonal tween who couldn't find a woman's happy place with Sherpa guides and a GPS. So get yourself to that furry sweet spot of lust and watch the ladies roll on in. Or at least not cringe in revulsion when you walk past.