Nothing kills internet trends faster than the greedy inauthentic touch of corporate America. And that greed may be the only thing that can keep America safe from the spread of the fake news that threatens to erode trust in our journalistic institutions.
This isn't the "fake news" label Donald Trump uses to delegitimize anything that report facts proving he's bigly full of shit. Fake news is a very real problem in which people with no ethical principles fan-fiction current events to dupe every gullible racist uncle and dimwitted high school acquaintance on Facebook feeds across the globe, hoping they spread it far and wide so they can make a fortune. It's easy and you can do it from home. It's a burgeoning industry.
But just like Grumpy Cat and bae before it, corporate America sunk its teeth into its neck and started sucking out its authenticity. So suck on that big ol' throbbing shaft of irony. Small mom-and-pop purveyors of fake news who sit down at a laptop every morning with a cup of coffee in hand to convert their Hillary Clinton erotica to AP format must hear about Fox's botched marketing campaign and feel offended that the corporate world is trying to muscle them out of the game they created. For these self-starting dirtbags, this must be like the impact crater left behind when a Walmart comes to town and shutters small businesses for miles around. These indecent yet hard-working lying sacks of shit are now feeling the sting of watching their industry ripped of its rotten soul and used to market box office failures.
"You're fake fake news. I'm real fake news! Grr!"
But what's bad for those despicable shitheels might be good for the rest of us. The corporate world's power to kill internet trends is rivaled only by the awesome destructive might of an uncool dad trying to prove to his kids he is cool by showing off his Hootie and the Blowfish CD collection. Facebook and Google have been trying to fight the tide of fake news since the phenomenon hit it big during the 2016 presidential election. But not even two of the most powerful tech companies on Earth can kill a dumb trend as swiftly and with as much ruthless efficiency as corporations trying to co-opt it. We hit peak PSY when he danced for pistachios.