When I was in college at Virginia Tech, Ja Rule was scheduled to appear at a campus concert, but he cancelled at the last minute for early 2000s reasons (he had been booked to appear on TRL with Hoobastank, he had to make an early screening of Attack Of The Clones, etc.). He rescheduled the show for later in the school year, but when the date of the rescheduled performance rolled around, Ja Rule cancelled again. That's right, he abandoned two performances at the last minute, in the same place, in the same year. In response, we took to calling him "Ja Fool" around campus, which no one ever did before or since, because the freshman class of 2002 carried a rapier wit. I took the wisdom I learned that spring for granted, and only now do I realize my folly. By not speaking up against the Fyre Festival when I had the chance, I doomed millions of dollars of utterly disposable income to the whims of Ja Rule, the trickster god of mischief.
But the fault is not merely my own. All of us conveniently forget the stories of our childhood warning us against the duplicity of Ja Rule. In Rulestiltskin, a poor miller's daughter is visited by Ja Rule, who promises to help her spin straw into gold for the king if she buys tickets to his performance on Saturday Night Live. He bails at the last minute and is replaced by Sum 41, and the miller's daughter is executed, partially because the king didn't get his straw gold but mostly because of Sum 41. And of course there is the age-old Knights and Knaves logic puzzle. You come to a fork in a road, where one path leads to safety and the other to certain doom. The fork is guarded by two men, one of whom cannot tell a lie and one of whom is Ja Rule. With a single question, can you find the path to safety without eating a substantial Ticketmaster service charge?