Why would you think Iâd make something like this up? Youâve seen the Internet; itâs horrible.âThese guys are fucking pros,â spat Geoff, plucking a mason jar full of industrial-grade cocaine from the manâs distorted abdomen. âHere.â âOh Jesus my lord and fucking savior! I havenât had any in easily 15 feet,â Chaz, all refinement forgotten, buried his face in the jar and his entire body shook with the great, gasping inhalations. âFeet?â âI find itâs easier to measure my cocaine intake in distance rather than time, these days.â âBetter?â Geoff asked. âFucking shitfucks,â Chaz replied, bleeding from his ears. âIâll take that as a 'yes.' Where was I?â âSomething about âlack of informationâ teasers driving people crazy,â Chaz answered monotonously. âExcellent memory, Chaz!â Geoff exclaimed. âNo. I can temporarily see through time,â he replied dully, âyou die in four years. But matter can neither be created nor destroyed; what you mourn is not the loss of yourself, but the loss of your sense of self.â
âCell decay is merely the transient state of form. I could really go for some tapas after this. You guys down?ââHa ha! Fantastic. I hope I get to watch you die in my office today so I can keep an erection tonight. But I digress. Super 8! Keeping information private, I realized, is the single best way to make the public desire it. Literally all this trailer consists of is grainy old film footage of stupid kids fucking around, and then a bigfoot-style reveal of some weird creature. But the fact that I wonât show anybody has them all buzzing on this Twitter thing. I donât even fully understand what that is, but I know anybody under 20 gets wet when I mention it. It matters little if the product being advertised has a notorious reputation for being disappointing, a la Cloverfield. Hell, remember the Segue?â âYou spelled that wrong.â âGood god, youâre right. How could you possibly know that? Theyâre homophones â they sound exactly the same when spoken aloud.â âI can see the text you are composed of,â Chazâs eyes were bulging out of his skull, but the rest of his face remained expressionless. It was as if he was being exposed to the hidden machinations of the universe itself... and just did not give a single fuck about it.
âI SEE THE INFINITY OF NOTHING. ITâS ALL RIGHT I GUESS.ââThe Segway is a punchline now,â Geoff continued, obviously disconcerted by the exchange, âbut people forget about how effective its âhidden informationâ campaign really was. Back when they refused to tell anybody what it was, the rumors said it would change personal transportation forever. A lot of people--good, intelligent people--seriously thought it was a flying car or a hoverboard. We gave them a scooter with the word âfagâ printed on the side, and they still bought it. All because we kept it a secret.â âIs there more rhino powder?â Chazâs infinite stare swiveled in the vague direction of Geoff, lounging extravagantly on a throne of desperate Costa Ricans. âSure thing,â Geoff pushed the mirror toward Chaz, and continued. âTomorrow when everybody sees