How Rasputin Got Dead
Felix Yussupov was, by all accounts, a total clown: hyper-privileged, married to the tsar's niece, and the richest dude in Russia at the time. And this was back in the days when the "richest person" in any country was doing shit like having their best horses outfitted with rudimentary 3,000-pound engines that added a half mile per hour to its gallop but also incinerated the animal upon activation. Then the rich dudes would wonder why the fuck someone killed their horse, and kill the guy who invented the contraption on the spot. He lived THAT kind of life.
So our horse-torcher Felix was on the periphery of the royal family, and he was decidedly not a Rasputin guy. And Felix believed that murdering Rasputin would make him something of a national hero, resulting in his unanimous celebration and praise. And the best account of Rasputin's murder comes from Felix's own memoirs. So let's take this early Russian version of If I Did It with a pinch of salt. This is a good time to remind you yet again to take everything in this story with a side of salt.
According to Felix's account, he invited Rasputin over to his palace in order to meet with his royal wife, Irina. For Rasputin, this should have set off alarm bells immediately. In the history of history, not once has someone been invited to a palace and not been killed. Even today, if you were to get a text from a buddy that read "Hey bro, havin' the boys over to my palace tonight," prepare to be murdered, bro. But Ras fell for it, probably because he was told there were going to be chicks.