MARKY MARK Nothing personal? Nothing personal?! How can it not be personal after all we’ve been through? Recording the soundtrack for Surf Ninjas?! "You Gotta Believe" going gold?! Our video game for the Sega CD?! DJ-T, always the sage of the group, tries to diffuse the situation. DJ-T Good times all, my friend. But was is it not written in the Bible, gam zeh ya'avor: “This too shall pass?” MARKY MARK Shut the f**k up, T, or I’ll shove that pipe up your limey ass! Scottie Gee can contain his rage no longer. SCOTTIE GEE See? This is what I was talking about! He’s changed, man! He was in a Scorsese movie and now he thinks he’s too good for the Funkies! MARKY MARK Yo yo, I got no idea what youse is talkin’ abouts. SCOTTIE GEE See? He’s using the accent right now! Marky lunges at Scottie, and they beat one another savagely. SCOTTIE GEE I Heart Huckabees was overrated! With a mighty heave, Marky Mark projects Scottie out an open window, and he plummets the entire height of the 30-story Funkodrome, to be dashed upon the craggy shores of Taveuni Island, Fiji. Within instants, DJ-T is at his side, staring fixedly at the small patch of crimson spreading in the frothy waters below. MARKY MARK Dear god…what have I done? DJ-T It’s okay. I’m pretty sure no one knows all of the members of The Funky Bunch anyway. Hell, I had to Wikipedia us just to remember all the names to write on the tax forms. Hector Inspects a Booty. Exuent.

---

When not blogging for Cracked, Michael watches Three Kings on DVD as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!

More Blogs