I wasn't totally sure where to go from there, to be honest. I'd told my Twitter followers all about my driving, twittering, and public urination - what was left? I thought that would cover it, that my Twitter feed would be inundated with thousands of fans, all curious to know more about the fascinating minutiae of my daily life. But after 24 hours of back-breaking twittering, I could still count my readers on one hand.
"Looks like it's time for the gloves to come off," I said, mostly because I was in a liquor store buying a bottle of Evan Williams and the gloves were making it hard to take out my wallet. The guy behind the counter just stared at me silently. Maybe he would've said something if he'd known how hard the internet can be. You know - like "Why are you wearing gloves in the middle of summer?" or "Get the hell out of my store."
Checking Out The Competition
Ever since our earliest human ancestors crawled over to a computer, loaded up a Usenet client and posted a message for all to read (probably something along the lines of "Did anyone tape Doctor Who last night?"), man has been drawn to online social networking tools for an obvious reason: to convince himself that he is more popular than he actually is in real life. Picture the guy on MySpace with 500,000 "friends," most of which are inanimate objects and cartoon characters. Picture Tila Tequila. The point of life is to be as popular as humanly possible, and the online world is no exception to this rule.
That being said, I quickly realized that I didn't want to just USE Twitter: I wanted to WIN at Twitter.
So who's currently winning at Twitter? According to the good folks over at
, the top 5 users are:
KevinRose (Creator of Digg.com)
BarackObama (American politician and Democratic presidential nominee)
LeoLaporte (Some tech nerd I've never heard of)
AlexAlbrecht (Some tech nerd I've never heard of)
JasonCalacanis (Some tech nerd I've never heard of)
Stiff competition, to be sure, but what do these guy have that I don't (other than fame, fortune, and the respect of their peers)? What makes them so interesting that thousands of people want to know when they go to the bathroom? The question had me stumped, so I grabbed a bottle of Evan Williams and headed down to my favorite highway overpass to do some thinking. A few hours later it hit me: