"Hey, you know what would be fun? You should hold it."
She sighed and glanced at the empty phone cradle on the wall. "Fine, then will you go?"
I handed her the baby and she took it into her arms like a bird taking to flight. It looked so natural and perfect, we all did, sitting there together as a family. She smiled hard at it and said "hi" over and over.
"It doesn't understand you, it might be deaf." I told her.
"Jesus, Soren. I want you to be completely honest, is he really yours?"
"Who's the mother?"
"I don't know. Sorry. Hey, I should probably feed it."
She kept it cradled and watched as I strapped the Lact-Aid kit to my chest. Before I attached the child I unfolded my notes for the article and jotted down "#6: Surrounded by Love." As I fed the baby, my ex admitted that I looked proficient. She even confessed her own desire for a baby someday.
"They're pretty amazing," I told her as I held it to my chest. "Just think, someday I'll be able to pass on all my ideas and thoughts to this little guy. I won't even have to keep a notebook anymore. It's like raising your own flash drive."
The newer models should really have a USB.
In the two years that we had been away from one another I had forgotten all of her little idiosyncrasies. I forgot, for example, how her nostrils flared when she was angry, or how fast she could move when she was really determined. With one motion she stood, grabbed the baby from my arms and was on her way to the bedroom. Behind a locked door she told me she didn't believe the child was mine.
"OK then, how do you think I got it?" I shouted.
"Honestly? I wouldn't be surprised if you kidnapped him."
"See, this is why we're perfect together! You know me so well!" I put my palm up against the door and just knew that she was doing the same thing on the other side.
"Soren, this is serious. You've made me an accessory just by bringing him here."
"Come on. No I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"Listen to us. This is stupid. Do we even