The Cracked Store Update: Sorry You're Going Back To School

Oh no, school's almost here and you didn't buy any new clothes! Sure, you could wear clothes from last year ... if you want to come across like you've got an "awkward phase" sign on your chest. If you're reading this and thinking, "But I don't go to school anymore," you've forgotten that we're all students OF LIFE, MAAAAAAN.

A new autumn = a need for new threads. It's a fact. And though you'd never admit it, it can be hard to get your wardrobe in gear. But guess what: We've been there. Cracked sympathizes. That's why we're throwing this promo code your way ...

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

... to clad you in top-quality American Apparel shirts at a stunningly low price, just in time for the homecoming dance. Don't freak out. Enjoy it. And thank us after you're popular.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

You can also thank us after you've faced the first-day-of-school shirt quandary and breezed through it because you know Teddy Roosevelt's got your back. And front. And squishy abdominal parts ... point is, you'll have a shirt to wear. You'll cruise straight past your former style dilemmas and go on to accomplish badass feats, just like how TR was too busy riding 100 miles at a time on horseback to worry about fashion conundrums.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Thank us after you roll into English class with the swagger of a modern-day horror master. With this design you'll let everyone know the mightiest terrors of the Western literary canon are no match for your Poe-hardened, Lovecraft-chiseled mind. Also, if anybody questions Poe's chances in this Cthulhu fight, remind them E.A.P. made only 9 bucks off of "The Raven," filling him with I-got-ripped-off rage that he'll funnel into his right hook.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Thank us after you hit up chemistry, physics, or whatever other pedestrian "lab" your school district's constructed, asking where the giant AC-powered lightning apparatuses are and advising everyone to stand back. Also, you don't have to go full Nikola and befriend a super-pigeon, but it's your life. Do (and wear) what you want to, up to and including the perfect mighty morphin' gym class tee ...

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

... and the perfect expression of exactly who taught you that Edison's a fraud, that our nuclear missile silos are run with the competency of an Olive Garden, and that there's only one way to kill a zombie.

Remember: That's promo code SCHOOLDROOLS for free shipping on all our fancy, customizable, printed-to-order tees. Because it's important to get an education ... but it's also important to remind everyone how goddamn FRESH you can look.

To turn on reply notifications, click here

14 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

5 People Who Learned A Horrible Truth About Themselves On TV

The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.

78

14 Dumb Health Products Pretending To Be Ancient Secrets

The 'wellness' market is thriving right now.

175

5 Annoying Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Parent

Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.

124

5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories

There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.

162

5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work

Some days you just don't want to go to work.

77

5 Crucial Things To Remember About Our Wretched Hellscape

Let's not get too crazy, kids.

144