Cracked's Store Update: Sports Shirts For Fans AND Non-Fans

Football season, and by extension sports season, is now here in America. And whether you're the type of athlete that sits on the grass chewing pylons or the type that throws spirals tight enough to rip a dimensional portal open, you've come to Cracked for a competitive edge. We're here to tell you not to worry about the competition or your teammates or whose plays you may or may not have stolen. After reading this, you'll go out there and win at sports and in life. Because the truth is, winning isn't about being good. Winning is about looking good.

Surprised? Don't be. Being surprised isn't the look of a champion. Think about all the great legends that we remember because of their style: Michael Jordan and his tongue wag. Babe Ruth strutting to the plate and pointing to where he'd hit a home run. Wayne Gretzky and/or Michael Scott letting you know you should shoot first and ask if anybody was open later. We know the paramount importance of confident style. And since accessorizing is so important in sports, we've got some suggestions for the very best accessories to pair with these awesome shirts. Helpful tip: If you fall down, get up and rub some dirt on it. Dirt goes great with everything in sports.

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There's so much win in this shirt we don't even know where to begin. For one, Batman never loses. It's a law of the universe. So it doesn't matter what the score is. Wear this shirt and it's only a matter of time before you Batman yourself to victory. But even beyond that, how cool would it be if Wayne Enterprises, a multi-billion-dollar company, sponsored an intramural team? "Sorry, Johnson And Sons Automotive's Intramural Team. we were late because we had to refuel the team jet on our way back from Brazil."

Sports accessories to pair with it:
- Utility belt
- Sleek black gloves with a velcro strap and detracting blades
- A "Batbat"

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Green Bay, Wisconsin, isn't a place. It's an ideal in the hearts of millions of weird-hatted men and women. Green Bay doesn't need Los Angeles' celebrity house tours or foofy crash diets or "two-hand touch" backyard football. They've got THE PACKERS, and when they play backyard football they're considered down only if their brains dislodge from their skulls. Iron-jawed dairy fans never had an official "We're Better Than L.A." T-shirt until we came along, but we're assuming if we hadn't made them something the ghosts of sports heroes past would've vested them with some other Power Garment soon enough.

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Sports accessories to pair with it:
- Strategically placed cuts for maximum badassness
- A whole lot of cheese

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There is no one better than Boba Fett to perfectly illustrate the importance of style. Boba doesn't do a goddamn thing in the entire Star Wars Trilogy, yet he is beloved by fans everywhere just for looking cool. Yeah, Boba probably misses that dunk and free-falls right into a sarlacc pit, but we'll all be too focused on that sick armor to mind. Wear this shirt on the court and know your style and game will speak volumes ... even if you never do.

Sports accessories to pair with it:
- Keytar, obviously
- Sweatbands for your head, arms, knees, and toes. The more sweatbands the better
- Your finest Mandalorian jet sneakers

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The true hero of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Cameron Frye, is the ballsiest sports fan around. Why? Because Cameron rallies through sickness (and what's potentially a psychosomatic episode) to have the most epic day of hooky ever, all while rocking a Detroit Red Wings jersey in the city of Chicago. We couldn't think of a better way to stick it to the Chicago Blackhawks if we tried. Honor Cameron with this shirt and let everyone you know that nothing can stop you from repping your team, with or without the protection of a Manic Pixie Dream Broderick.

Sports accessories to pair with it:
- Your father's crashed Ferrari
- Your best friend and his super hot girlfriend
- A heavy dose of anti-anxiety medication

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It won't matter how many pop flies sail over your head as long as you're wearing this shirt. Tell your team, "I thought the ghosts had it," and watch them squeal with delight. For those who oppose you, however, use this shirt to let them know that you plan to exterminate them as ruthlessly as a Ghostbuster in a field of dreams.

Sports accessories to pair with it:
- Exoplasmic vacuum
- Catchy theme song

That's the ballgame, sports fans! Because hey, if you're going to strike out, make sure you strike out in style.

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