Here we have Nightwalkers, an ode to Edward Hopper's famous oil painting Nighthawks. This piece, a favorite of the CMoFA (trademark not pending), blends the humble tones of classic Americana with the bold surrealism of bloodthirsty zombies that want to chew your brain fat. You may be wondering "What is the cultural significance of zombies?" and "How can we use that to inform our understanding of the artwork?" Both wonderful questions!
I wasn't wondering any of that.
Please refrain from interrupting the tour. Let's go to the next piece.
Surely, you can appreciate the artistic depth of this take on Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night. Consider: A forlorn father stares gloomily into the night sky. His greatest legacy, a star of death, hangs above him with untold weight. The swirling brushstrokes of Van Gogh suggest listlessness and chaos. You can almost hear Lord Vader whisper, "Luke, I am your father," the colors streaking around him like tears streaking down a face.
No, it's a pun. "Death Starry Night." It's on the product page.
Will you stop doing that! You know what, fine! Here's the last one.
It's dogs playing poker, but instead of dogs, they're gods. We switched around the "d" and the "g." That's the joke. Kratos is in there. Raiden is in there. Some other guys are in there. It's a bunch of pop-cultural references that serve no higher purpose other than to be amusing. Are you happy? Are you goddamn happy!?
Yeah, it looks cool. So is the "tour" over?
Yes, the tour's over. Here's the gift shop. On sale today is the Martian Notifier Smartwatch. You can use it to track your phone, take pictures, check the weather, set up to five individual or recurring alarms, and get notifications from apps. Normally it goes for $130, but today it's only $30.
As long as it tells time.
Of course it tells time, you simpleton!
You do realize this isn't actually an art museum, right?
And that these prints aren't meant to be analyzed?
Well, anything can be analyzed, and we at Cracked are experts on highbrow, so it's only fitting.
Didn't you once make this?
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