The Cracked Dispensary Is Having A Fine Art Print Sale!

Welcome to the Cracked Museum of Fine Art (or the CMoFA, as one New York Times blogger refused to call it). So glad you could join us for the tour!

Art tour? Isn't this a post for the Cracked Dispensary?

"Dispensary." Such a crude word. Can one simply dispense passion? Can one merely dispense genius? Did Van Gogh purely dispense oil on canvas as he painted the hands of the peasants!

Dunno? So are art prints on sale or something?

*Sigh* Yes, they're on sale. 15 percent off with free shipping, today only. But that's not the point. This is an exhibition of the most thought-provoking and highbrow artistic creations the world has to offer. Each piece uses such nuance, such subtlety, such ...

Hey, is that Superman with the yelling guy?

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

No, this isn't "Superman with the yelling guy." What do you think this is, a joke? This is a contemporary portrayal of expressionist painter Edvard Munch's The Scream, which happens to feature Superman as social commentary. Take, for instance, Superman's surly-eyed gaze upon the screaming man. It forces us to ask, "Is the screaming man calling out to Superman for help?" Or, more ominously, "Is Superman the origin of his fear?" Let us for a moment consider Nietzsche, a peer of Munch and the originator of the Ubermensch concept ...

Nah, pretty sure the artist is just making a joke.

Fine art is never a joke. You'll see once we move on.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Here we have Nightwalkers, an ode to Edward Hopper's famous oil painting Nighthawks. This piece, a favorite of the CMoFA (trademark not pending), blends the humble tones of classic Americana with the bold surrealism of bloodthirsty zombies that want to chew your brain fat. You may be wondering "What is the cultural significance of zombies?" and "How can we use that to inform our understanding of the artwork?" Both wonderful questions!

I wasn't wondering any of that.

Please refrain from interrupting the tour. Let's go to the next piece.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Surely, you can appreciate the artistic depth of this take on Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night. Consider: A forlorn father stares gloomily into the night sky. His greatest legacy, a star of death, hangs above him with untold weight. The swirling brushstrokes of Van Gogh suggest listlessness and chaos. You can almost hear Lord Vader whisper, "Luke, I am your father," the colors streaking around him like tears streaking down a face.

No, it's a pun. "Death Starry Night." It's on the product page.

Will you stop doing that! You know what, fine! Here's the last one.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

It's dogs playing poker, but instead of dogs, they're gods. We switched around the "d" and the "g." That's the joke. Kratos is in there. Raiden is in there. Some other guys are in there. It's a bunch of pop-cultural references that serve no higher purpose other than to be amusing. Are you happy? Are you goddamn happy!?

Yeah, it looks cool. So is the "tour" over?

Yes, the tour's over. Here's the gift shop. On sale today is the Martian Notifier Smartwatch. You can use it to track your phone, take pictures, check the weather, set up to five individual or recurring alarms, and get notifications from apps. Normally it goes for $130, but today it's only $30.

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

As long as it tells time.

Of course it tells time, you simpleton!

You do realize this isn't actually an art museum, right?

... Yes.

And that these prints aren't meant to be analyzed?

Well, anything can be analyzed, and we at Cracked are experts on highbrow, so it's only fitting.

Didn't you once make this?

We fail to see your point. Remember to click any of the links to be directed to the Cracked Dispensary or the Cracked Store. Happy art collecting!

To turn on reply notifications, click here

5 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

The 5 Weirdest Unanswered Questions Of The Marvel Universe

There are gaps in the fictional universe that multiply from one film to the next.

116

5 Annoying Things They Don't Tell You About Being A Parent

Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.

127

4 More Anticipated Movies That Are In Serious Trouble

Given everything we know, there's cause to be worried about these movies.

95

5 Reasons Gender-Flipped Remakes Never Work

Hollywood has taken the entirely wrong message from its box office receipts.

288

5 New (And Strangely Plausible) Conspiracy Theories

There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.

162

5 Impressive Scams People Used To Get Out Of Work

Some days you just don't want to go to work.

78