Q is for "Quit It!"
A word to the wise: pretty much everyone hates spammers. As a result, there will always be people wishing you would "quit it." (They might also say "knock it off" or "cut it out" or something like that.) These people are idiots with zero business sense who should be ignored at all costs. Remember: If you follow their advice, it won't be long before you're right back where you started, selling
out of the trunk of your Ford Festiva
and bathing in a gas station bathroom sink. Spamming isn't a glamorous profession, but it beats bathing in a sink, doesn't it?
R is for Ridiculously Low Prices
People love these, so don't worry about making your offer sound even vaguely realistic. Remember: Whether it's 500 DVDs, 500 Rolexes, or 500 diamond-encrusted diamonds, the price is always ONE PENNY.
S is for Stealthy
This is what you'll need to be if you don't want to get caught. You don't want anything getting traced back to you, so it's probably a good idea to take some measures to protect your identity. Wear a top hat and monocle when you're out in the street so that nobody recognizes you, but change into a turban and sunglasses when you're at home to throw "them" off. Track down
and steal his suit. Remember: the goal is to blend in and not call too much attention to yourself. Also, avoid sending out spam from an email address that has your full name in it.
T is for Tits
Here's a statistic: 20% of all email spam has at least one reference to tits in it somewhere. I just made that up, but it's probably true, and if it's not, it SHOULD be true, because let's face it: People love
U is for Unbelievably Large Penis
There's no shortage of products that claim to increase the size of your penis, and there's no reason not to offer all of them to your victim- err... clients.
Pumps, creams, pills; no matter what it is, shove it in their faces and cross your fingers. Which reminds me...