Picture Detroit, decaying urban sprawl and home of super rats that have achieved a rudimentary form of communication and barter system with other species. It's a rough town and will stay that way until RoboCop gets built, but God knows when they're going to get around to that.
Police receive a call -- a woman in peril. Neighbors have heard cries for help, a victim yelling "No! Stop!" from within her own home. Another tragic case of domestic violence? Not really. Another tragic case of a boyfriend sitting on his girlfriend and farting.
Police arrived on the scene and immediately took stock of the situation. One man, one woman, no signs of a struggle, fetid funk wafting through the air. It was a fart. Detroit style. This is where you put on your shades and breathe deep on purpose.
Reports of the incident indicate the neighbor who called not only heard the yelling, but heard loud noises preceding the yelling which she assumed to be the sounds of a beating. They were the man's farts. He was farting so loudly it could be heard in another apartment. He farted so loudly it made the local news.
Journalistic Merit: 4 Robust William Randolph Hearst farts out of 5