The Burglar Who Was High On Cremains
They say that kids are stupid. But if I may play Devil's Advocate for a moment, "stupid" isn't a fair word at all. These kids were stunningly, soul-shatteringly inept. They're cosmically doltish. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's backtrack.
David Gesell, a 17-year-old criminal mastermind in the making, broke into a house with a 16-year-old and a 15-year-old accomplice. They stole an Xbox, some games, some prescription drugs, and, the biggest score of all, some sweet nose candy. Except it wasn't cocaine in the fancy box on the mantle; it was the homeowner's father. You know, in ash form. Because he'd died and was cremated.
The one and only way these kids will ever be as cool as Keith Richards.
The teens made off with their loot, and at some point on the road, they threw the cremains out the window when they realized it wasn't drugs. But wait, how did they realize it wasn't cocaine on the road if they thought it was cocaine when they picked it up? It didn't change the way it looked from one location to the other, did it? Nope. It just changed in taste.
Yes, give yourself a little "I got the willies" shake for that one. The kids needed a taste of the bag's contents to help them realize it was not actual cocaine, and they then proceeded to throw it from a moving vehicle. The idiots were caught later when one of them went online with the Xbox, but in a cosmic sense, they lost pretty big before then. You should never have occasion to taste another person's remains.
Robbery isn't always a bag full of laughs. Check out 5 Things No One Tells You About Being Robbed to learn all the consequences of robbery that you didn't expect. Then again, don't worry tooooo much. Criminals have a knack for getting themselves busted as seen in 6 Baffling Mistakes Criminals Apparently Make All The Time.
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