What color are your balls? Wait, what? This has to be some kind of edgy video game promotion, or maybe a way for a jugglers to tell each other they're rapists. It can't just be a clumsy, context-free reference to ball balls, can it? Let's look at the Product Description...
Huh. "Sex, men, genitals, testicle, nuts, gonads." I guess that explains that. Though it doesn't explain why the person asking me about my balls has shark teeth on his, or what his endgame might be. Is he hoping I'm also frustrated with my sex life and we'll make some kind of gentleman's agreement to put on wigs and clinically milk each other? Is he an alien trying to decorate a cake? I love that it's only one cent, but I really wouldn't mind spending a bit more for a pin that makes a god damn bit of sense.
I can't believe the Misty Mate Pet Misting System got marked down 99.99999%. If there's one thing every animal loves, it's being enveloped by a robot that spits on them. This horrible device is exactly what cats will invent when they become smart enough to force information from one another.
According to the manufacturer's website, it's great for "dog houses, pet runs, horse stables, reptile enclosures, rabbit pens, bird cages or any play area for your pet." It requires one standard garden hose in case you ever wanted to say the words, "Yes, landlord, I agree that a running garden hose is a strange thing to have in a living room, but how else was I going to keep my bird or snake moist?" And did I read that part about horse stables correctly? The damn thing is the size of a cat carrier. How is that supposed to keep a horse cool? Do I clamp it onto the animal's face? I bet there's a reason no horse has never drowned from a lawn sprinkler being wrapped around its mouth-- it will fucking die of panic long before it gets that far. So... I guess I turn the mister upside down and hope my horse is smart enough to drag its penis through it? That doesn't sound safe. My research with off-brand Real Dolls shows that discount plastics and giant cocks are a dangerous, shrapnelly combination.
I'm confused. Where does a real beer pounding alpha male stud wear this button? On his Chili's vest? On his boyfriend's tennis bag? I didn't even know this product was available to the consumer market, much less priced at one penny. I thought you could only get a BEER POUNDING ALPHA MALE STUD pin by mailing in the code given to you by your mother when you ask her what a clitoris is.
In theory, I like this pin. It seems polite to warn everyone that you're going to fill yourself with liquor and dominate their girlfriends, but I think it should really be delivered on a tougher medium than metal button. For example, maybe a bundle of balloons or a t-shirt being worn by your parrot.
The market dropped out for Beanie Baby collectors more quickly than it dropped out for Japanese nuclear engineers. Today, both groups of people are left to deal with thousands of tons of waste, unsure how to get rid of it, and cursing the God that allowed it. It's so tough out there for Beanie Babies that DIPPY the Rabbit had to get a job as a breast implant.