Job Description: The Arming Squire was a knightâs caddy, personal assistant, and bitch all rolled into one. Theyâd haul his gear, clean his equipment, clap his coconut halves together, and jot down important dates like the next scheduled battle with the Saxon Hordes. So Where Does the Poop/Pee Come in? One of the Arming Squireâs main duties (pun definitely intended) was to clean the knightâs armor after a battle. Aside from the expected sweat, blood, and stubborn grass stains, this included scooping out and rubbing down the inside of the suit, which, if it had been a particularly long or frightening battle, or if your knight ate bad Mexican food the night before or was a huge dick, often contained a special âovertime bonus.â Knights it seems, like astronauts, have more important things to do than locate a toilet when their pants are literally
Job Description: The Fuller was one of the first people in the process of turning sheared wool into usable cloth. Their job was to take all of the sheep-grease out of the matted bales of fur and turn it into pads of downy soft cotton fluff for later spinning and weaving. Which, aside from the aforementioned sheep-grease, doesnât sound nearly as revolting as it actually is.
Job Description: Pretty straightforward really. A Gong Farmerâs job was quite simply to go around to all of the cityâs gong repositories and collect the gong, haul it outside city limits, and dump it, so that gong wouldnât overflow into any waterways or streets. They also got to go into the cityâs subterranean plumbing system to locate blockages of compacted gong and break them apart, allowing the system to flow freely. This could be done with a hatchet, bare hands, or, if one was feeling dramatic, a flying side kick. They even got a horse to help them cart the gong around. Yes, they were the masters of all things gong, repositories of ancient gong lore and heirs apparent to the kingdom of gong.
Job Description: To our modern world, a Tanner is simply a member of a well-adjusted family living and loving in 1980âs San Francisco. But back in the day, the tanner was the guy who made leather goods out of animal hides. And he made them, as you should have by now come to expect, through the most horrifyingly disgusting means imaginable. Step one involved days on end stripping the hides of all the animal chunks still clinging on, and then dissolving the hair off with lime or, in a pinch, urine. Step two involved weeping for many hours, and sending your children to the nearest village to enlist in the military.
Job Description: The Pure Collector was the Tannerâs best friend, although any respectable Tanner would refuse any but the slightest social contact with him. Why so chummy? Because the Pure Collector was the one person the Tanner got to look down on, as well as his source of precious, precious dog feces. So Where Does the Poop/Pee Come in? Pretty much right away. The Pure Collector spent most of his time on his hands and knees, roaming the city, trying to sniff out piles of animal excrement. When they found a mother lode, theyâd scramble to grab up as much as they could fit into their pockets and a filthy knapsack, like the worst Double Dare physical challenge ever. Then it was off to the Tannerâs to hock their poop, loudly reminding everyone along the way that they collected âPureâ for a living. Yep, theyâre just off to sell a steaming load of fine, top-quality Pure. Sorry guy, but itâs going to take a lot more PR to make people forget that youâre a human pooper-scooper.
Job Description:More of a criminal enterprise than a career, the Saltpetre Man was someone who took it upon themselves to invade homes, churches, and public buildings to forcibly liberate a key ingredient in the manufacture of Saltpetre, and, in turn, gunpowder.
Job Description: The Groom of the Stoolâs got at least one up on everyone else on this list, as heâs technically a nobleman. That said, the Groom of the Stool is Nobility the way circus peanuts are a candy. His official job is to make sure that the Kingâs chamber pot is always clean and free of âoccupantsâ when the King wants to make butt decrees.
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
The 'wellness' market is thriving right now.
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.