not be shot at
, never mind Saturdays off. The fact this was still enough to trigger a murderous rampage in an office worker means his military training was either a total failure or far too effective. He arrived for work before 7 a.m., and at close of business at 5 p.m. pulled a Glock and shot his master sergeant six times. Outside of a horror movie, there is no non-insane reason for shooting someone six times. Also, anyone who'd let their target suffer through 10 final hours of office work before killing them anyway is a sadist.
"I worship the Norse gods!"
A Toronto couple single-handedly disproved every stereotype of Canadians being nice, friendly or sane, by taking God of War as a religion. They marched into a house and decided it was theirs by right of their vast collection of blades. Which, in fairness, did actually work back when people worshiped the Norse gods. But Vikings existed before the invention of firearms and Canadians, two powerful forces for dealing with blade-wielding and extreme rudeness in northern latitudes, and they were arrested within 72 hours.
John Morkanus, which we have to admit is a name which sounds like it should dual-wield blades, insisted he had to carry a weapon at all times as an adherent of the Asatru Norse religion. A particularly crazy neopagan religion (where "neo-" means "we live in a world where people know better") which leads to owning ridiculously expensive and impractical weapon collections instead of rent money.
It's nice to know the Norse aren't racist anymore, stockpiling stupid samurai swords and stupid Elven daggers alike.
Luckily anyone who owns more than 10 weapons doesn't really know how to use any of them, including the one between their legs, so he was easily apprehended. He also claimed he needed the weapons to teach a medieval weapons class at the YMCA. The YMCA immediately announced that it offers no such a class, and also what the fuck. Bladed weapons and strict religion aren't angles the YMCA really stress any more, what with the whole "Crusades" fad falling out of fashion.
Morkanus and his warrior-maiden Sarah Leroux had also posted a notice proclaiming "When this notice is affixed to property, its contents and all attached thereof is held under claim of right," which also set out ticket prices for visiting "their" land. But the only way you can make people pay to come see your blades is by being a Highlander, and the only way you can make money from blades and a horrifically stupid religion is by being