Of course, those are just the mental repercussions. Now let's talk about how trying to be like the pretty Instagram people can physically hurt you. If you've ever watched real people at a gym, you know that exercise is weird and gross. People sweat and fart and make strange faces. No one wants to show that to the world on purpose. So if you're an Instagram influencer and want to show off your rocking bod, what do you do? Something that looks cool, even if it took you years of normal, ugly practicing to get there, or something that's so overwrought and bonkers that it doesn't actually do anything?

The most popular posts are the ones that involve unnecessary and difficult exercises -- ones that display strength, as opposed to building it. So if you try to emulate that, as many a #fitspo person encourages you to, that's a good way to pull something, or take a medicine ball to the face, or worse. Hell, sometimes you literally can't do something, no matter how much you practice, because the person doing it is basically a mutant.

Look, no one's saying not to exercise, or that pretty Instagram people have all made secret deals with various devils. I'm just saying to be smart, and maybe take advice from actual professionals instead of whoever has the nicest ass online.

Except most of these vitamin IVs aren't being administered by trained professionals, and bad insertions are rampant, causing complications that include bruising, bleeding, infection, and inflammation of the veins. Hell, Kendall Jenner was hospitalized after a session. Vitamins and supplements can mess with prescriptions or can fuck you up all on their own. Too much potassium in your bloodstream is a medical condition called hyperkalemia that can mess with your metabolism and slow your heart. When you ingest vitamins normally, let's say through eating food, your stomach can filter out what you need from what you don't, making higher amounts safer and more palatable. But when you literally shoot that shit into your veins, generally at much higher rates than you'd find in bananas, there are no safeguards.

Never mind that because these vitamin "cocktails" are technically supplements, the boutique IV clinics that are administering them aren't regulated by the FDA, meaning there could be literally anything in those bags. The CEO of a door-to-door IV clinic in Arizona actually referred to them as "chocolate chip cookies," adding that "everyone has their own recipe." And surely no one's ever fucked up baking before.

But here's the real kicker: Most of the shit they're pumping into you doesn't actually do anything. Yes, it might help a hangover or a migraine, in that it is a bag of fluids and electrolytes, but it's not going to do anything lasting. The FTC actually charged the company iV Bars Incorporated with making "false claims about their product's health benefits," after they argued their drips could fight cancer. And, I mean, given that all the rejuvenating claims of IV vitamin treatments could just as easily be accomplished with a Gatorade and a nap, that was pretty goddamn ballsy.

The "weight loss" ingredient is a tiny bit of a saffron extract called satiereal, which has no actual effect on weight loss. The company behind the lollipops, Flat Tummy Co. (which already got in trouble once for pushing detox teas) is apparently basing their entire argument for satiereal being anything on a single 2010 study done by the extract's manufacturer. More recent studies have proven that claim to be horseshit.

They're basically telling you to eat candy instead of anything with nutritional value to curb your appetite, which many doctors have pointed out is the opposite of a good idea. You, as a human person, are supposed to be hungry. Tricking yourself into thinking you're not only works to deprive you of nutrients and create bad eating habits. And for added fun, the lollipops are technically "supplements," so again, they're unregulated by the FDA. So who knows what's actually in there!

To maintain a healthy diet -- which is especially important if you're trying to lose weight -- you need to, in the words of noted health food advisory board Skittles, "taste the rainbow." Never mind that purple foods do not in any way have anything to do with weight loss. Unless you count starving yourself as an effective regimen, which no. Please don't do that.

Related: 5 Supposedly Healthy Things That Are Good For (Killing) You

I mean, it doesn't work at all, really. But don't tell that to Pinterest. Recipes for "DIY" sunscreen are fucking rampant on the social media board. And almost a full 70% of those recipes are hot trash. Again, while most of these recipes aren't necessarily bad for you, they still trick you into thinking you're protected against the sun, which means you'll stay out longer and put yourself at a greater risk of sunburn and skin damage. Honestly, I don't see what's wrong with just staying inside all the time. Or underground. I mean, it's working out great so far for me and my Morlock friends.

Related: 8 Health Foods That Are Bad For Your Health

That's where the line between diet and disorder gets dangerously thin. By calling one food "clean," you're implying that other foods are "dirty." And dirty foods are obviously bad, and doing something bad is shameful, and so on. Suddenly your entire association with food is broken, and even if you don't descend into psychological distress, such a diet is just not healthy. At its core, clean eating is "rigid and restrictive," and significantly limits your avenues for obtaining iron and calcium and all the other necessary parts of a cheeseburger. One woman was subsisting largely on sweet potatoes and carrots, which stopped her period and turned her skin orange (neither of which, it should be noted, was something she wanted).

Clean eating has all the same nutritional hurdles as veganism, only amplified, because if your tofu looks too weird, you can't eat it. And guys, tofu always looks weird. But here's the other thing: Just because something looks pretty doesn't mean it's edible. In fact, one botanist scrolled through Instagram to point out all the poisonous flowers people were decorating their cakes with, including smoothies topped with catharanthus, which contains the same potently toxic alkaloids as chemotherapy medicines. So if there's any lesson here, it's this: Social media is full of lies, and if you're looking for health and fitness advice, go see an actual trained professional. Unless they have an Instagram account.

Eirik Gumeny spent his twenties subsisting off of Slim Jims, Gummi Bears, and Surge, so you can totally trust him when it comes to dieting advice. A 10th-anniversary collection of all five of his Exponential Apocalypse books is due out at the end of February. Follow him on Twitter.

For more, check out If Junk Food Commercials Were Honest - Honest Ads:

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