I don't want this to only be personal attacks. These cancerous fucks wrote a book, and I'll review it. First of all, How to Be Famous was written as bad advice for people who are currently reality TV stars. It won't help you get famous in any way, and in fact, it will get people to like you less if you already are. It is simply a list of things Heidi and Spencer have done to get noticed since they appeared on TV. If you asked a 4-year-old girl to list the fastest ways to get ice cream, it would be almost the same book.
"When you're the bestest at smarting, you attribute quotes to yourself in your [own] work." - Seanbaby
In How to Be Famous, Heidi wrote a chapter on how to make a face like you hate someone. Can you imagine being this moronic? This loosely fastened pile of silicone and pulp was staring at herself in a mirror, and instead of saying, "Who left all this pastrami on my skeleton?" she said, "I look mean! I should be a mean-face-making coach!" Heidi, you elastic cow, even assuming that this ability wasn't built into every face ever, who needs that skill? Cats? Women who want to have sex with angry men, only one time each? Not everyone is your mother.
The best part of the book is Heidi and Spencer's delusion. They truly think they are outsmarting everyone who looks at them. They talk about how they spin their own media coverage, but only give two examples. One, they never go out at night, since their paparazzi photos don't look as nice by flashbulb light. And two, they came clean about Heidi's record-breaking amounts of elective plastic surgery. Because of their honesty, the story was not "Speidi Rumors: Did This Insecure s**t Rebuild Her Entire Physical Structure Out of Hot Dog?" No, after Spencer Pratt cleverly pulled the media's strings, the headline was "Heidi Montag Confesses! 'Why I Look Like a Sex Doll That Crawled Out of the Ground After a Warlock Peed on Its Grave!'"