Yes, someone out there has foreseen the potential of people actually being dissatisfied with the horrifying color of their nipples. To solve this life-threatening problem, they have selflessly created various dye creams to help nipples finally achieve that "perfect, pert look" they have so long been denied by cruel nature.
These dyes are available in all-natural colors, such as "charcoal black," "sunset," and "raisin glaze," which to us non-experts seems like a fairly poor moniker for a breast product.
Not to start debates with marketing professionals, but is this really an image you want to associate with your areola creams?
Strangely enough, women have met these revolutionary products with bafflement and barely contained sarcasm, as if they -- or, indeed, anyone -- wouldn't appreciate painting their nipples with weird colors that the manufacturer promises are "kiss-proof."
Man, isn't that depressing? You could almost think that women don't want to be force-fed bullshit beauty ideals that stem from porn, fashion, and gossip magazines.
Special thanks to M. Asher Cantrell for his suggestions in this article. Buy his book about words.
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