There are millions of videos on YouTube, but if you look closely you'll notice there are only like twenty different types of them. My first ever article here at Cracked aped several of these YouTube Standards in a glorious attempt to either destroy YouTube or become it. Needless to say, neither of those things happened. I am now older, wiser, and I hate YouTube even more, so I think it's about time I gave this another shot.
A Topic Explained By A Fast-Talking British Gentleman
This is, of course, referring to Zero Punctuation, a series by Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw that features quick-tongued reviews of video games. If I know YouTube (and sadly, I do), one way to truly shine is to take someone else's idea or gimmick and "make it your own." You, too, can be a fast-talking British gentleman going on about any number of topics! Sure, it won't be the same as the brilliant ZP, but damned if it won't at least be similar. It's easy! Just pick a subject and follow these simple guidelines (brought to you by a fast-talking British gentleman):
YouTube is full of tributes to pointless bullshit people love. These tributes are most often made up of still photos with extremely warped dimensions. Add some poorly placed text and you've got the start of a great tribute. But what's the best way to transition from warped still photo to warped still photo? The answer to that is the true star of these tributes: the star wipe. Star wipes remind your viewer that the subject being star wiped is a star (although it's still less of a star than the star wipe in question). Here, then, is my star wiped tribute to the best star wiped tributes the internet has to offer. Or, rather, it would have been if I hadn't decided to make my own star wiped tributes to star wipe through.
One Side Of A Pointless Argument Between Two Angry People With Stupid Names
The lawyers of tomorrow will not come from a fancy school and have "the proper education" or "everyday social skills." They will come from YouTube and they will all have numbers in their names. "Your honor," these lawyers will say. "The prosecution's a total fag." "Objection!" the prosecution will shout. "What means 'prosecution?'" The judge will then subscribe and click the little thumbs up button.
You Can Barely See Or Hear Me, But For Some Reason I Thought This Was Worth Making And Posting For Anyone To See
Because YouTube is available to anyone with a fake birthday, one thing is bound to suffer and that's quality control. Often the problem is content, but you'll also see the occasional video that is just unwatchable because there isn't anything available to actually watch. Or the audio doesn't sync up, like even a little bit. Filmed on a webcam made by Compaq in 1995 and recorded on a Talkboy, these videos scream "[muffled]." If the recording quality were better, that scream would have been something like "I didn't film a second take of this because I couldn't spare the electricity." Seriously, these people either only own one lamp that they keep locked away in their safe, or they're Mogwais. Neither possibility lends itself to making videos at night and only one of them is absolutely adorable. Here's a cool video I found of me discussing theoretical physics:
Ten Minutes Of Repetitive Nonsense
You know how repeating something over and over can eventually be funny but then it stops being funny but then it becomes funny again but then it stops being funny but then it becomes funny again but then it stops being funny but then it becomes funny again but then it stops being funny but then it becomes funny again but then it stops being funny but then it becomes funny again but then it stops being funny but then it becomes funny again but then it stops being funny but then it becomes funny again but then it stops being funny but then it becomes funny again? Me neither, but I did it anyway.
You can find Cody on things like Facebook and Twitter, because those are two things people use. You can also help him win YouTube if you want. And another thing...