Despite old adages, love is not permanent. It is an amorphous blob of passion that transforms endlessly, appearing one minute as a flickering light of purpose toward which you struggle, and the next as a quiet hatred sitting in the passenger seat of your car, shaking its head because you forgot to shave. Naturally, you have a lot of questions, and according to the millions of Internet searches on the topic of love, you are not alone.
But the Internet is taking advantage of your ignorance. All the private questions you posed to Google about sex and relationships are stored and sold to companies who only want to feed you advertisements disguised as answers.
This is the face of betrayal.
Gone are the days when you could get a straight response from an objective third party who cares just enough to be honest but not enough to judge you.
Well you are in good hands now. A month ago I introduced Uncle Frank, the sole person on the Internet willing to answer your intimate or embarrassing questions with the sincerity and candor they deserve, and today he's here to help the lovesick. The following are 6 unedited search queries and the best possible advice for each. So sit back, relax and have your questions answered by a guy who really shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place...
Whose job is it to solve crimes?
There is much to show you.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
If there's any institution that doesn't want us to know how much it messes up, it's the military.
The most unrealistic thing about fictional villains is that they don't get arrested until the plot calls for it.