Seanbaby
Japan isn't jealous at all. In 2004, they released Metal Wolf Chaos, the most American video game of all time. The plot was ripped from today's headlines, specifically this one: President of U.S. Fucks Country in Face From Inside Awesome Robot Suit. I can never tell when Japan is making fun of us, but 
I've never seen anyone understand what it's like to be American more than the makers of Metal Wolf Chaos, and I once watched a man die during a pie eating contest from alcohol poisoning. Also, like most Americans, the game is way more awesome than it is correct. It used Clinton-era graphics in a game about George W. Bush driving a robot, and everyone knows that Bush wasn't even allowed near pinking shears without a 2/3 majority approval from Congress. Even if there was a Presidential Robosuit, and fuck you if there isn't, they would have kept Bush away from it by labeling it "book." Plus, the only person patient enough to teach George W. Bush how to pilot a mech was killed by the Romans 2,000 years ago. I guess my point is that it's troubling how careless Japan is about mixing robots and the retarded. There's only one way that combination of things can end: Americanly.
I'm not always sure what makes something American, but I know it when I see it, and nothing says America like choosing to have a throbbing erection even after your body refuses to give you one. I know a lot of you foreign people are thinking, Why would Americans need boner pills when they're surrounded by all those breast implants? Well, I'll let you in on a secret: 60 percent of us think the best form of exercise is signing petitions to get the obesity classification raised. Sure, everyone feels the same when you turn out the lights and put a punctured bathroom stall between them and you, but 80 pounds of digested beef still fucks up a body's normal sexual chemistry. And that's why we invented Viagra, right?
Viagra was actually invented in England. Which is weird because hard-ons and money used to be our thing. Plus, you don't normally expect something as elegant as take-a-pill-get-a-boner from U.K. scientists. If they sat down to cure erectile dysfunction, you'd expect something more along the lines of a chewing gum that inflates into a vagina when hit with a watch laser. This whole boner pill thing was probably a lab accident made by British engineers trying to get a deployable bridge and a fish scaler to grow out of your dick.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, 
If you drive a giant truck, most people will say it's because you have a small penis. I'm not sure if that science is accurate but the observation itself has become shorthand for, "I wish I was funnier." The fact is, a giant truck is all things American. It wastes faggy natural resources, looks sweet and starts conversations about the owner's penis.
The list is endless: Transformers, ThunderCats, Super Friends ... all done in Korea. There was at least one point where a guy in Songpa-gu got up from drawing Snake-Eyes to ask his coworkers, "Why do I even bother to put my name on my dog sandwiches if some dickhead, probably Chul-Moo, is just going to eat them anyway." 
Americans can fix every complex problem in their lives with a single medicine or a device. The results speak for themselves -- our diet pill and electric belt technologies have made our trim physiques the envy of the entire world. I know your life is hard enough without the rest of this sentence, but in your face, fatties.
Studies conducted by Shake Weight's® own scientists have shown it's seven times more effective at "burning muscle energy" than a dumbbell that you're not pretending to jerk off. As an American, I'm done thinking about that, and if you told me that a Google search of the phrase "burning muscle energy" led exclusively to websites selling Shake Weights®, I'd punch you in your Socialist face.
Seanbaby invented being funny on the 
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