For those of you who aren't familiar with the show, it's about Alaskan crab fishermen and the many dangers they face, from fierce storms to seductive sirens trying to lure them to their doom (possibly, I don't watch it).
But even the angriest hydra pales in comparison to the task before Captain Hillstrand in Captain's First Hanukkah, which is having sex with his Jewish bride.
"So like I can't do what I did to you that time we were in Vegas?" He fondly recalled bending her over the back of a hotel room sofa and without permission entering her perfect ass only to be surprised when she didn't resist.
"Also surprised that I could afford a hotel in Vegas."
The author of this story is a Jew looking to provide gentiles with a crash course on being married to a devout partner, along with some f*****g to help you pay attention, because apparently Hillstrand and his wife left discussing potentially relationship-ruining religious differences until their honeymoon. Among other things, women can't have sex when they're menstruating, and men can't masturbate because it's considered a waste of their seed. If you're jerking it to reality show fan fiction, I can't say I disagree. Also, it's important that we learn how good John is at oral sex.
"When we say the woman comes first ... we mean it quite literally." She smiled, arching her eyebrow. "Every time."