The author of this story is a Jew looking to provide gentiles with a crash course on being married to a devout partner, along with some fucking to help you pay attention, because apparently Hillstrand and his wife left discussing potentially relationship-ruining religious differences until their honeymoon. Among other things, women can't have sex when they're menstruating, and men can't masturbate because it's considered a waste of their seed. If you're jerking it to reality show fan fiction, I can't say I disagree. Also, it's important that we learn how good John is at oral sex.
"When we say the woman comes first ... we mean it quite literally." She smiled, arching her eyebrow. "Every time."
The research I did by carefully viewing Menschs With Wenches and Menschs With Wenches 2: Schlong All Night Long supports this claim. Luckily, it seems Captain Hillstrand can bring a woman to orgasm faster than he can ... shuck a crab, or whatever it is crab fishermen do.
Within seconds he had her panties off and was working her into a frenzy. She dug her nails into his back; no he definitely had no problems handling his end of the deal. Minutes later she was screaming his name, barely able to breathe.
Not bad for a guy who apparently named his ship after an obscure Terry Gilliam movie.
When all's said and done, we've learned that Jews are more open about sex than we realized, and also that Captain John really likes blow jobs. So if you've ever wanted to learn more about Judaism but felt that you'd only be able to absorb the information through the form of an erotic story about a reality star fisherman, today's your improbably lucky day. The rest of us will just experience inexplicable arousal whenever we see Deadliest Catch promos.