Why can't the Hulk encounter a flushing mishap after he blasts gamma-shit in someone else's toilet?

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Why can't Hulk apply the same determination he uses to battle foes to move his bowels a little?

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The poor guy must need fiber supplements or a stern cup of coffee to help those turds slip out of that immaculately-toned green ass of his; because even more than the act of pooping itself, fan artists specifically love making the Hulk put some fury into pooping, some real vein popping strain.

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It's not limited to drawings. Here's a statue someone found in a shopping mall in Seoul, South Korea:

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There's always a newspaper in his hands, always a shattered toilet, always a monumental struggle to shit. But some of us don't always use the toilet to shit. Sometimes we close the bathroom door, sit on the toilet lid, and we think. We contemplate. And so, too, does the Hulk.

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But most of the time he's a furious shit monster.

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Harry Potter is skinny. Fans with varying degrees of artistic talent would prefer if he were fat. So, they drew Harry Potter if he were fat.

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I'm pretty sure that was the extent of the thought process behind the tons of art depicting the normally rail-thin boy wizard as being too out of shape to do half the things he does in the books. What I find fun about this strange subculture of fan art is how each image, even if it's wordless, still tells its own silly little story.

For example, in this one:

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A spell backfired on Harry and now he's been primed to rip some crazy magic farts.

In this one ...

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I imagine that as Harry grew older, he grew a gut and some sass and became the cool Hogwarts professor male students can talk to about girls, in spite of the unconfirmed rumors that Professor Potter is gay.

In this one ...

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Snape comforts Harry after the pressures of being The Boy Who Lived have finally caught up to him, and he learned a spell that materializes food out of thin air and materialized a feast into his body in a mad fit of stress eating.

And in this one ...

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Oooh, man! The story here is great! You see, the three of them got fat.

Third search term: "Disney princesses as Pokemon."

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Fourth search term: "Disney princesses as Marvel characters."

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Fifth search term: "Disney princesses as Star Wars."

http://ralphsevelius.blogspot.com

It goes on and on: Street Fighter, Moulin Rouge, Avatar: The Last Airbender.

How about something else entirely? Disney princesses as high schoolers, as different ethnicities, as boys, as roller derby girls, as college students.

Artists want the princesses to be everything the artists love, maybe even a little bit of the artists themselves, and so they make it happen. They've been crossed over into pretty much every corner of life and nerdom. Everything. Except for steampunk, strangely enough.

Wait. That can't be. Let me Goog- ah, there it is!

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Should have known better. It's practically a law of the internet: if it exists, there's a steampunk version of it somewhere.

shit ...

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is ...

fucking ...

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bonkers.

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A lot of it centers on the character Pinkie Pie, the "crazy one" of the group. Fan art and fanfic creators have turned her from delightfully nuts to full-on homicidal lunatic, particularly in a really fucked up fanfic called Cupcakes. That last picture up there of Pinkie Pie torturing Rainbow Dash in a basement is an artist's rendering of the story, created to expand upon the rich visual tapestry of the tale. Still, it doesn't explain why I can find images of every other pony caked in another pony's blood, so I'll just chalk it up to fans being so sick of getting saturated with the show's innocence that they create a pony hell for the characters as an outlet for the darkness to balance it out.

http://stedilnik.tumblr.com
Maybe it's time to recalibrate that balance.

I can go on. I've got literally dozens of links to pictures of Batman eating. I don't know what to do what all these things, so here -- you take them. Want Batman as an enormous slob, who apparently chose to wear his Batsuit during a bountiful feast for a couple dozen, but he's gorging on it all by himself? BAM! I've got that covered:

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Wonder what Batman would look like if he crashed a wedding and started eating the top part of a multi-tiered wedding cake? WHAMM! Here you go:

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In the mood for justice and Latin cuisine? KAPOW! Batman eating a delicious empanada:

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Okay, how about I type a random set of words and we see what happens? How about ... Batman wearing purple culottes and eating poutine?

http://hastilyputtogether.com

Fast food burgers. Bananas. Fried chicken. Hot dogs. Hell, I've got Batman eating a hot dog in video form. Maybe you've seen it:

There's no website out there that commanded a legion of disparate artists to draw Batman eating. In the rare instance when the artist of a picture of Batman eating was kind enough to explain why he or she drew Batman eating, they usually said some variation of: "I didn't know what to draw, so I drew Batman eating."

My guess is that caped crusading burns a lot of calories, and a bunch of people decided to give Batman a snack as a reward for all his do-gooding. He's not real, so they drew him eating as the next best thing. But I feel like we can go a little further in aiding Batman. Fan artists have made him eat a lot. Let's consider snack time over and draw Bats brushing his tee-

http://society6.com

Never mind. Forget I said anything.

Luis is posing so a legion of internet artists can draw him picking his nose for some reason. You can find him on Twitter and Tumblr.