But on Christmas Day, the kid goes up to the TV and (metaphorically) tells his family they can take all that coal they have set aside for him and shove it up their butts until they start shitting diamonds. It turns out he's been secretly recording the family's Christmas activities the entire time, editing them into a heartwarming movie that they can now enjoy, all thanks to Apple.
He then drops the remote and walks out of the room, flipping everyone off.
What It's Really Saying:
Recording life is just as good as living it.
Let's ignore for a second that this commercial could pretty much advertise any video-recording device in history, because its message is much more baffling than that little oversight. See, what this commercial is truly promoting is emotional voyeurism. It says that you don't need to experience the fun of playing in the snow with your family or take in the joyous atmosphere of a house on Christmas Eve. It's enough to just stand on the sidelines and let the others have fun because ... really ... seriously, you're fine. It's fine. No, nothing is wrong, school's been great. Just ... just let it go, OK?
Don't get me wrong. The video that the kid presents at the end is a sweet gesture, but it's less a cherished memento that the family will watch over and over and more something they'll pass on to the boy's psychiatrist somewhere down the line.
But most of all, this spot is really about the "importance" of technology and how all those special moments in your life that you think you're enjoying don't really count unless somebody takes one for the team, hangs back, and records them for you. It's like inventing a nonexistent problem and then telling you that it can only be solved by a combination of your gadget and someone getting fucked over. Then again, hasn't that always been Apple's business model?
"Look, sweetie. You WERE happy then after all!"
Cezary Jan Strusiewicz is a Cracked columnist and editor. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.