The 5 Most Ridiculously Sexist Superhero Costumes
Female superhero costumes are the comic industry's "No Cooties" signs: They prove that the people who designed them think about girls (a lot) but don't really know how they work and are making sure it stays that way. I am not an enlightened man. I consider the wipe-clean cheerleader costume a greater advance in clothing technology than the spacesuit. But the only "strong" in many "strong female comic book characters" are the oblique muscles required to point their ass and boobs in the same direction.
Behold five characters whose costumes are so impossibly, illogically sexual that they look like they were designed by M.C. Escher after he didn't get laid for 20 years.
Psylocke's buttocks are like the Mona Lisa's eyes, they follow you no matter what angle you're looking from.
Power GirlCharged with making a female Superman, Power Girl's costume designer's only thoughts were "breasts" and "done." They'd already given Supergirl a miniskirt (and, as a consequence, the entire population of Metropolis got a panty shot). With Power Girl, they upped the ante and opened a tit-window. Most spandex heroes have a symbol on their chest summarizing their character, and so does Power Girl: an empty hole full of cleavage.
There is no counterargument. Fans and writers have tried to explain Power Girl's breast-viewing port several times, and each theory is more ridiculously unsupported than the breasts they're attempting to justify.
Check out the empowerment on that!
The most common (and ridiculous) explanation is, "I am strong and empowered and therefore love being naked and stared at." You know, the same reason Superman flies around in a thong. One writer claims it's to show that she's healthy, so we can only be grateful that Krypton never discovered gynecology. Another is the idea of distracting villains, because when you mainly fight robots and aliens and can punch through a tank, your best weapon is nudity. Oh, and the absolute best explanation:
And why doesn't her costume inflate when she flies?
DC have made it very clear that they consider the rest of Power Girl a superpowered breast-delivery service (
"I show off my tits because I'm such a dumb blonde I can't even finish my own clothes. I also cry. Girls do that, right?"
Even on-panel you have another disappointed girl.
Related: We Are All Cam Girls Now
Starfire's RebootStarfire has always been the Captain Kirkiest character, a brightly colored alien demanding to be shown "more of this Earth thing called love," but her latest iteration is about as sexy as a speculum. It's certainly going for the right place, but it's so cold and clinically aimed that only those who've given up on regular sex could enjoy it.
Of course, in the story that revealed her costume, she spent most of her time nude and bikini-clad, presumably because that was the only way to make her costume look reasonable.
I'm not saying the designers view women as sexual targets, but she has big glowing red weak points to help you aim at her throat and crotch.
Note the character actually telling you, "If you have a problem with this, you're totally a prude." In 2011, DC rebooted their universe to attract a new market
This is basically her new costume. And personality. And motivation.
Critics have pointed out that the original Starfire was always polyamorous, but that's like saying the original Superman could only jump really high. Starfire is now best known for the
The site isn't playing saxophone music. You're just hearing it anyway.
The new direction is "Literally break your own spine to aim breasts at male eyes."
Wonder Woman's "Compassion"Wonder Woman preserves 1940s sexism like a chunk of amber in a bustier, exploited by modern artists to reanimate terrible extinct ideas in some sort of Chauvinist Park. Her weapon AND weakness are both bondage --she has a magic lasso and can be kept hostage if she's tied up, but only if it's by a man. Ninety years after women were allowed to vote, she wasn't allowed to wear a jacket because the fans complained too much. That happened in 2010, and the general consensus was that she should consider herself lucky she's allowed to wear pants in public (and that the "fans" are actual cavemen).
Damn those feminazis, we can only barely see that the breasts are bigger than her head!
The costumes were so ridiculously naked that Wonder Woman's had to use her iconic WW logo to hold her boobs, facing toward the camera. This shows that at least her designer's subconscious is good at making clothes suitable for their intended purpose.
DC's website makes Total Recall's stance on gratuitous boobs look conservative.
If you're thinking near-total nudity is just the Star Sapphires' thing, here's their gender politics with a male Star Sapphire.
In a climactic battle in the recent
I've had dreams like this, too, but I don't draw and sell them in public.
He knows everyone wants to touch them.
Sue Storm 4-kiniSue Storm endured the most blatant sexism in comics at a time when marriage was a form of property insurance. They only dared to give a woman superpowers because both her husband and her brother were on the team to keep her in line.
Her only original power was to literally disappear and let the menfolk get on with things. Later, she could also make other objects disappear or move them around with force fields, meaning Marvel's first female superhero had the inhuman power to tidy up. And then the only woman who could prevent men from staring at her went at her own clothes with a pair of scissors and madness.
She's hanging out with a living torch, a mobile orange rock slide and a 50-foot-long man, but she knows it's up to
She destroyed one costume and several laws of Euclidean geometry.
It's the shaped window that elevates this above all the other "Here are my mammaries!" costumes. They'd cut so many holes in powerful women's clothing that they needed new shapes just to feel something. If you're thinking, "This doesn't work unless I can see her boobs," you're not writing comics, you're masturbating. Especially when characters wear such skintight Spandexium that the only difference between "fully clothed" and "complete nudity" is coloring.
"I don't know, when your breasts aren't a perfectly flat mass because curved fours are hard to draw?"
This is Acheronian soft-core with face paint.
Related: Texas Senator Ted Cruz Vacations During Deadly Winter Storm That Left Millions Without Power
NamorBehold the most ridiculously sexy costume in comics!
But it's not ridiculous because he's wearing a superpowered Speedo: That's how
Near-naked superhorny women is a male fantasy. Being a hulking Adonis who can punch through tanks
Look at the poor victimized boy, one inch from boning on the cover.
This "equally idealized" bullshit is actually used by people. People paid to sell comics despite their first decision being "We'll only target half the population." We know you're in the comics industry, fellas, but that argument is the wrong type of comical. Namor is the ultimate exemplar: He's exactly what any guy would wear if he thought he could get away with it. Even when Namor puts on more clothes, they're ridiculous and show off more chest than Tom Jones during heart surgery.
See, women, we have improbable male anatomy for you, too!
His most common plot point is banging another character's wife (Sue Storm from above). He's not just included for the 10 percent of guys who got this far despite not liking girls, but to make a point. (And not just in their trousers.) It's stupid to say that the art is equally unfair because the average man can't be used as a teaching model in medical college. That's like Bond claiming it's fair that henchmen can't hit him with machine guns because he also has a ridiculous level of accuracy. It's a lot of fun, and we all go to see it, just don't claim that it's equality.
FEAR MY PECTORAL SIX-PACK!
If I were offering a carved beef buffet above a pork sausage special, that's how I'd dress. Mere physical strength would be enough superpower to make me go full Doctor Manhattan.
A posing pouch and dressing gown. His whole wardrobe says "I get laid too often to bother with clothing."
Luke McKinney scientifically proves that Die Hard is the ultimate party. He also tumbles and has a website.