A distance record was also set this year, but that's super gross and I will not speak of it further.
Back in the day, everyone cared about the rainforests, but then cooler and more topical environmental disasters took over, and now everyone loves polar bears and oil spills, and no one cares if the rainforests get plowed into Walmarts, because really, aren't they just home to filthy poo-slinging monkeys and indigenous peoples too foolish to have even invented iPhones? Silly locals.
Keeping the rainforests at the forefront of people's minds, Fuck for Forest is a group of people who want to fuck. For the forest. The world's first non-profit ecological erotica organization, FFF produces and sells porn and uses the profits to help mother Earth, who you must assume is a MILF. There's no trick like with PETA, which only pretends to be dirty but never has the balls to follow through. If you go to the FFF website right now, it'll take you less than 30 seconds to find a photo of a girl with dreadlocks exposing her butthole to you. Right in color! In the woods! If PETA really cared about chicken nuggets and goat abuse, they'd have buttholes all over their website, but they don't. Poseurs.
In their first year, Fuck for Forest raised $100,000 to help preserve the rainforests through the sale of paid memberships. People are willing to pay a good deal of money to watch tactless hippies bone just about anywhere. I once paid a bald chick on the bus $10 to slap me and tell me I'd never amount to anything, but of course that story isn't relevant now, so I won't tell it.
Their website and videos are worth a look, especially if you've never seen a grungy Euro hippie in a wheelchair get naked and put on a tiger mask. If you have seen that, then I like the cut of your jib, and I think we need to hang out. Message me, we'll go out for samosas.
Curiously, all the men involved are as disgusting as the men from mainstream North American porno and thus give you the sense that you wouldn't want to even shake their hands, let alone have sex with them, while the women seem just keen. We have to assume that porn is therefore legislated under some secret U.N. convention to ensure that no men who don't look like disheveled street people, cartoon villains or the inspiration for the term "douchebag" may ever be caught on camera humping, no matter the reason behind it.
Check out more from Felix in Donald Trump's 4 Most Hilarious Attempts at a Good Idea. Or check out 5 Inspiring Religions That Worship Penises.