_____. _____. Ever!
What's a good way to express superlatives? Y'know, superlatives. What are superlatives? A superlative is a word that describes something of the highest kind, quality, or order. Y'know something that is the Best. Thing. Ever!
Why use italics or bold or, y'know, words, when you can just use too many periods?
Waterworld? Worst. Movie. Ever! You Might Be A Zombie And Other Bad News? Best. Book. Ever. Edouard Manet? Best.19th Century French Impressionist Painter Whose Last Name Is One Letter Away From Another French Impressionist. Ever! Well, okay. Maybe I misused it in the last one, but you see what I mean. There's got to be a better way to express something that you apparently think is the greatest thing ever besides saying Greatest. Thing. Ever!
It's not even specific. You could call mile high club oral sex and Shakespeare's King Lear, the Best. Thing. Ever.
Although, in fairness, if you met this King Lear in an airplane restroom,that phrase might apply to both.
If you're taking the time to be all dramatic and extreme, how about using something really descriptive? Because using the "___. ____. Ever!" to describe extremes is about as creative and amusing as saying things are "made of win" or the simple declarative, "fail." *
*I came very close to including those on this list too, but those are really things people say in texts, comments, and statuses as opposed to blog posts.
Interwebz/Series of Tubes
Back in 2006, Alaska Senator Ted Stevens used the term "series of tubes" while explaining the Internet. The poor description was cited as an example of the Senator's unfamiliarity with the Net. Similarly, the term "Interwebz" is a deliberately awkward mixture of Internet and the Web put in the plural form which is also awkard. The point being that more than five years ago these were some phrases conveying ignorance of the Net.
"I didn't think people would keep making fun of me online way past the point of it being funny. Then again, I guess I don't know a lot about the Internet."
Yeah, more than five years ago. But despite the time passage and despite that even my mother (who still doesn't use ATMS) has never mispronounced the Internet or failed to understand what it is, this "joke" somehow persists. Bloggers use it incessantly. First it was annoying because much like TMI, the facetious use of the term implies that the writer is hip enough to know how to pronounce the Internet and understand what it does. Congratulations. My father is pushing 80 and recently installed all new drivers to run 64 bit programs. You're awesome.
But I don't even think that's the point of the joke anymore. There's just some sort of widespread online delusion that using these terms with nothing more is somehow smile-worthy. It's the greatest example of wrongheaded e-thinking since a billion people gave thumbs up to a Fred video on YouTube.
If this country has the good sense to reject other things it found funny in 2006 (like Dane Cook) then can't we agree it's time for this cliche to go too?
"Everyone will still be doing this is 2011. Trust me."