Imagine a child discovering this website -- a teen who's just sneaking porn for the first time and stumbles upon this vast abomination of misplaced ire and even more misplaced orifices.

Black Patrol

What's staggering is the level of detail and effort employed in making these. They use an actual car that identifies as a police vehicle on the sides, complete with lights on the roof. The women are in full police uniform with sidearms. Anyone who saw this being filmed could easily think these are real cops. A number of these scenes do take place outdoors, so that's entirely possible. And you'd believe it right up until they take their suspect and grind on his man-spigot in a back alley somewhere.

This exists as an entire site unto itself, updated weekly; not just a single video on a larger site with a more diverse theme. That seems to indicate this sub-sub-sub-genre of porn has a niche audience, but who the hell is it? Who's watching racist porn? Is it racists? Do racists want to see black men having sex with white women? Do they want to see fake white cops using racial slurs in the middle of a robust fingerblasting? The logical answer is that there is a category of people out there, of whatever race, who do like racist sex. So just deal with that, if you can. It's a thing. Hugely, overtly racist sex with cops and robbers role play, tied into the Black Lives Matter movement.

You can run to the comments and tell me crack isn't funny, addiction isn't funny, and crack whores aren't funny, but you can't tell me that as a society we didn't treat all of those things that way for years. "Crack whore" was the go-to insult for anyone acting sketchy for most of the '90s, and a fine way to describe a Jerry Springer guest or your shitty civics teacher when she assigned homework on a long weekend. So it's almost not hard to see how intrepid pornographers thought making porn to exploit crack whores would be a good idea.

Crack Whore Confessions

Whether or not the site is real -- as in, whether the ladies depicted therein are indeed tragic addicts with terrible stories to tell or just actresses -- is debatable. But I will say this: If they are actresses, they are the best actresses in all of porn. These ladies really sell the whole "I'm on crack" look that the site promises. I feel like some may be of the Jared Leto School of Acting.

Unlike typical porn, which switches to coitus at about the three-minute mark, these videos employ long, drawn-out interviews with the ladies, in which they recount tales of past abuse, the problems with addiction, gross johns, and the abhorrent things they've done for a fix. It's not for the faint of heart -- in fact, I had to make two separate lists after viewing a few clips, with the headers "Things I can probably make sound funny" and "Things that will give me nightmares." As far as things I can make sound funny that will also give me nightmares, there was one lady who shared a story about having sex with a john while she had the flu and losing bowel control during the crescendo. Go on, picture it.

So sure, we can try to fund social programs to get people off drugs, or employ harsher penalties for dealers to try to keep them off the streets, but at least one person out there is choosing to combat this problem by listening to terrible stories and then getting blowjobs in a trailer.

As you know, Donald Trump has two solutions when it comes to border security down Mexico way. His first was to build a massive wall, presumably from indestructible unicorn horns and chupacabra scales, which not even the wiliest Hispanic could climb. Of course, that fell through when reality shat on it, so plan B was for "vicious rivers" to cure the problem. I shit you not, he really said that. The mind boggles. But before we go off on a tangent about how absurd relying on deputizing rivers to be a part of your malicious militia is, let's focus on how porn addresses the issue. If you guessed it addresses the issue by porking it, you are correct.

Border Patrol Sex features the hard-working men and just men of the Border Patrol, as they capture lone women who could be Hispanic if you squint. Which is to say brunettes. All brunettes are Mexicans in porn.

Border Patrol Sex

Undocumented immigrants cost the U.S. $113 billion per year (or four dollars, depending on which agenda's stats you use), which is a pretty decent chunk of change. Can the border patrol really hump enough immigrants to make that number more manageable? And more importantly, how does humping immigrants in the dirt near the actual border prevent anything at all?

When this site started, they presumably couldn't have known just how big of an issue illegal immigration from Mexico would become, and what a shitstorm the whole wall issue would be, but it was still a prevalent and real issue to a lot of Americans, because it always has been. But it wouldn't have to be if we'd only previously thought of log-jamming the problem away.

Remember Occupy Wall Street? That almost seemed like the beginning of a real revolution in America -- a movement by the little guy to stand up to corporate and political BS and say we deserve more. The 1 percent don't get to fuck us! But who does get to fuck? A couple of dudes in an Occupy tent village, that's who. Nothing classier than that.

A company called Dirty Boys got themselves motivated during the Occupy Oakland movement, and filmed some gay porn right there in the shantytown. This occurred all while a mass of semi-organized but aimless protesters stood around outside, contemplating how bongos and a lot of pot smoke might address issues of economic inequality, corruption, and the influence of the financial sector on the government.

Occupy My Throat

Unlike some of the other porn projects which try to invoke a sense of social awareness, Occupy My Throat mostly ignores the setting in favor of focusing on the fact that you can have sex in a tent in downtown Oakland right in the middle of the day. Well, you can provided there is enough of a distraction going on around you, like a part of a nationwide protest movement, that is.