5 Bleak Examples Of 'Social Issue' Porn (Which Is A Thing?)

The world is getting weirder by the day, and Hell is up to its smoldering brimstone titties in hand baskets. Sometimes it's all you can do to find a way to relax at the end of the day that doesn't involve rioting, Donald Trump, or global-scale disaster. Of course I'm talking about porn. Good ol' American (or German, or Japanese) porn. The kind you can rely on to guide your boners and lady-boners toward a relaxing evening and a decent night's sleep -- one full of guilty dreams and reminders to clear your browser history.

Unfortunately, I have bad news for the porn enthusiasts amongst us: Porn has become self-aware. After growing at an exponential rate, it has devoured the entirety of the internet, and it now understands us at a basic, fundamental level. But that understanding is tempered by the complete bumblefuckery we see online every day, and the end result is socially conscious porn that will stain your self and cause more face-palming than fapping.

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What is socially conscious porn? First, it's not really socially conscious. It's socially aware, in that it was inspired by a social issue. And then it ground that issue into a stained mattress in a way that's equal parts callous, ignorant, and baffling. Imagine any social issue that gets your blood boiling -- anything about which you give a damn, anything you feel makes society as a whole better or worse -- and then imagine poorly scripted sexy talk and money shots added in. This is where we are. And these are the most egregious examples.

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Black Patrol

Black Patrol

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I caution you to never ever visit this website. Ever. In fact, as with all of these entries, I'm not linking to it. If you absolutely need to see it, Google is still a thing. If you do brave this site, know that the things that happen therein are beyond reproach, beyond rationality, and so far beyond good taste that they can't even see the ass-end of poor taste anymore. This is a Black Lives Matter porn parody website.

To parody a social movement at all is mind-blowing, let alone to porn parody it. Regardless of what you think of Black Lives Matter, how do you wrap your head around a version of it featuring white female cops arresting, harassing, and sexually assaulting black suspects? That's what happens here. They toss out racial slurs and blowjobs like smut-slinging Johnny Appleseeds, saturating the land with jism and racial intolerance in equal measure.

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Imagine a child discovering this website -- a teen who's just sneaking porn for the first time and stumbles upon this vast abomination of misplaced ire and even more misplaced orifices.

Black Patrol


Fuck the police cumming straight from the underground.

What's staggering is the level of detail and effort employed in making these. They use an actual car that identifies as a police vehicle on the sides, complete with lights on the roof. The women are in full police uniform with sidearms. Anyone who saw this being filmed could easily think these are real cops. A number of these scenes do take place outdoors, so that's entirely possible. And you'd believe it right up until they take their suspect and grind on his man-spigot in a back alley somewhere.

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This exists as an entire site unto itself, updated weekly; not just a single video on a larger site with a more diverse theme. That seems to indicate this sub-sub-sub-genre of porn has a niche audience, but who the hell is it? Who's watching racist porn? Is it racists? Do racists want to see black men having sex with white women? Do they want to see fake white cops using racial slurs in the middle of a robust fingerblasting? The logical answer is that there is a category of people out there, of whatever race, who do like racist sex. So just deal with that, if you can. It's a thing. Hugely, overtly racist sex with cops and robbers role play, tied into the Black Lives Matter movement.

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Crack Whore Confessions

Crack Whore Confessions

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We've endured a few major drug epidemics over the years. Meth caused so much concern that the Faces of Meth campaign was created to try to scare people away, and heroin has been an ongoing threat which surges in popularity every so often. But few drugs have captured the hearts and minds of Americans like crack. Developed in the '70s and becoming widespread throughout the '80s, crack became such a punchline that you could count on it to be in every Weekend Update that Norm MacDonald did in the '90s. Crack was the drug you associated with the low end of drug abusers. Real addicts used cocaine. Silly caricatures used crack. And sure, it's just as devastating as any other drug, but for some reason, it became a joke. And that's where Crack Whore Confessions comes in.

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You can run to the comments and tell me crack isn't funny, addiction isn't funny, and crack whores aren't funny, but you can't tell me that as a society we didn't treat all of those things that way for years. "Crack whore" was the go-to insult for anyone acting sketchy for most of the '90s, and a fine way to describe a Jerry Springer guest or your shitty civics teacher when she assigned homework on a long weekend. So it's almost not hard to see how intrepid pornographers thought making porn to exploit crack whores would be a good idea.

Crack Whore Confessions

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"We cover all aspects of pipe-smoking."

Whether or not the site is real -- as in, whether the ladies depicted therein are indeed tragic addicts with terrible stories to tell or just actresses -- is debatable. But I will say this: If they are actresses, they are the best actresses in all of porn. These ladies really sell the whole "I'm on crack" look that the site promises. I feel like some may be of the Jared Leto School of Acting.

Unlike typical porn, which switches to coitus at about the three-minute mark, these videos employ long, drawn-out interviews with the ladies, in which they recount tales of past abuse, the problems with addiction, gross johns, and the abhorrent things they've done for a fix. It's not for the faint of heart -- in fact, I had to make two separate lists after viewing a few clips, with the headers "Things I can probably make sound funny" and "Things that will give me nightmares." As far as things I can make sound funny that will also give me nightmares, there was one lady who shared a story about having sex with a john while she had the flu and losing bowel control during the crescendo. Go on, picture it.

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So sure, we can try to fund social programs to get people off drugs, or employ harsher penalties for dealers to try to keep them off the streets, but at least one person out there is choosing to combat this problem by listening to terrible stories and then getting blowjobs in a trailer.

3
Border Patrol Sex

Border Patrol Sex

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As you know, Donald Trump has two solutions when it comes to border security down Mexico way. His first was to build a massive wall, presumably from indestructible unicorn horns and chupacabra scales, which not even the wiliest Hispanic could climb. Of course, that fell through when reality shat on it, so plan B was for "vicious rivers" to cure the problem. I shit you not, he really said that. The mind boggles. But before we go off on a tangent about how absurd relying on deputizing rivers to be a part of your malicious militia is, let's focus on how porn addresses the issue. If you guessed it addresses the issue by porking it, you are correct.

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Border Patrol Sex features the hard-working men and just men of the Border Patrol, as they capture lone women who could be Hispanic if you squint. Which is to say brunettes. All brunettes are Mexicans in porn.

Border Patrol Sex


And redheads?

Undocumented immigrants cost the U.S. $113 billion per year (or four dollars, depending on which agenda's stats you use), which is a pretty decent chunk of change. Can the border patrol really hump enough immigrants to make that number more manageable? And more importantly, how does humping immigrants in the dirt near the actual border prevent anything at all?

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When this site started, they presumably couldn't have known just how big of an issue illegal immigration from Mexico would become, and what a shitstorm the whole wall issue would be, but it was still a prevalent and real issue to a lot of Americans, because it always has been. But it wouldn't have to be if we'd only previously thought of log-jamming the problem away.

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Occupy My Throat

Occupy My Throat

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Remember Occupy Wall Street? That almost seemed like the beginning of a real revolution in America -- a movement by the little guy to stand up to corporate and political BS and say we deserve more. The 1 percent don't get to fuck us! But who does get to fuck? A couple of dudes in an Occupy tent village, that's who. Nothing classier than that.

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A company called Dirty Boys got themselves motivated during the Occupy Oakland movement, and filmed some gay porn right there in the shantytown. This occurred all while a mass of semi-organized but aimless protesters stood around outside, contemplating how bongos and a lot of pot smoke might address issues of economic inequality, corruption, and the influence of the financial sector on the government.

Occupy My Throat

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Pictured: three pitched tents.

Unlike some of the other porn projects which try to invoke a sense of social awareness, Occupy My Throat mostly ignores the setting in favor of focusing on the fact that you can have sex in a tent in downtown Oakland right in the middle of the day. Well, you can provided there is enough of a distraction going on around you, like a part of a nationwide protest movement, that is.

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Election Debates

Brazzers

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Brazzers, renowned for sticky memes and a myriad of sites, seemed all too happy to tackle the biggest issue of 2016: the election. Was this solely because of how easy it is to make erection jokes? Probably.

The idea of a parody debate was beaten to death this year, but Brazzers breathed new life into it by making Hillary Clinton 30 years younger and a few cup sizes bigger and making Donald Trump a human being. The result is what passes for porn-level comedy (think an article I wrote, but delivered with bad timing), which then awkwardly segues into Donald and Hillary slapping their withered squibs and squabs together.

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The tone of the movie is oddly on par with the actual debates -- Hillary tries to be serious and on-topic, while Donald mocks and jabs at her. Only in this version, his jabs are literal and done with his penis, which he waves around. Again, literal, but also a pretty goddamn good metaphor.

Brazzers

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#ImInHer

There are some guest stars who pop up as well, including Ivanka Trump and Ben Carson. Because didn't you always suspect that maybe they were humping during the debates? Well, someone did. They also assumed that Bill was schtupping Melania, and again, doesn't that seem plausible? More than any other porn parody on the list, this one seems eerily prescient. If news had broken at any moment during the actual debates that this sort of thing was going on, none of us could claim to be truly surprised. Well, maybe they would with the Carson and Ivanka thing, but only because Carson seems like he was made by lazy alien scientists who didn't bother to give him a penis.

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Considering how up in arms the whole country is in the aftermath of this election, does a porn parody add or detract from the current predicament we find ourselves in? This one just might break even. It could become an ongoing series, in which Trump fucks various people in and out of Washington, and Brazzers parodies it on a weekly basis. Who's to say what the political climate will be when we get a whole season of Trump Dicks The World?

For more, check out 5 Super-Creepy Trends In Porn and 5 Weird Ways Porn Changed In Just A Decade.

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