âActually, I said 'ride the tiger'--but fuck it. Dio approved!âIt matters little that Askold is dressed like a dominatrix at a renaissance faire up there, or that he has a ponytail so effeminate it took first place in a vagina contest, because this man has not only made a Superpredator his primary mode of transportation, but has even gone so far as to jump said lion-vehicle with reckless abandon like it's a carnivorous General Lee. You try stepping to Askold at a stoplight with your custom chrome-skull embossed chopper, and you might win the race--but only one of your vehicles can eat his opponent for fuel.
âSometimes I forget that I don't wear the ring anymore. Sometimes I forgetâ¦âMetal is about being a badass, being terrifying and being sexually perverted to a degree that would frighten Alfred Kinsey into a convent. I'm pretty sure that an entire village so terrified of the threat of tigers that they married a child to a dog covers all of those bases nicely.
âI would enjoy for that to eat me.â--MetalAdvantage: Tigers.
"HOLY SHIT I AM A LION AND I AM ALMOST LEARNING TO DRIVE A CAR."
âHmm. Forgive my apathy, you see, I've just finished racing an ape about the world in a hot air balloon.â
âBUT I AM THE KING OF THE JUNGLE AND NOW ALSO KING OF THE ROAD!â
âYes, well. Last week I killed and ate the king of Spain on a gentleman's wager.â
âBUT MY ENORMOUS JAWS ARE ONLY KEPT IN CHECK BY CENTRIFUGAL FORCE. THEY ARE GOING LIKE 80 MILES AN HOUR.â
âMmm? What, sorry, I fell asleep. Are you quite finished? I've an appointment to keep where I am to be fired at the moon from the world's largest cannon.â
âSHIT THAT'S PRETTY CRAZY.âAdvantage: That guy.
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
The 'wellness' market is thriving right now.
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.