Email #3: "FW: WARNING: AVOID ALL PRODUCTS (RECENT STUDIES SHOW THEY CAN KILL YOU!!!)"
Did you know there's a new tasteless, odorless date rape drug that leaves you STERILE FOREVER? What about the bug larvae that can grow inside your body and then EAT THEIR WAY OUT OF YOUR NIPPLES!? That would be bad enough on its own, but to make matters worse, did you hear that every cleaning product in your kitchen can (and will) kill your pets, give you cancer, and burn your house down? Thank God your dear old mother sent you all those helpful emails to warn you - now do your loved ones a favor and pass it on to everyone you know. Who knows - you might save a life!
Why Moms Can't Resist It
When you were a little kid and had no idea what was going on, your mother was old enough to recognize just how stupid the things coming out of your mouth were. "Whazzat?" you asked her, pointing. "A car," she replied. "Whazzat?" you asked again, pointing in the other direction. "That's another car," she replied patiently, leaving out the "you moron
. What's wrong
As far as your mom is concerned, you're still that drooling doofus who doesn't know what a car is. Why would she think you're capable of surviving on your own? At the same time, though, she thinks she can save you from a horrific, house-burning-down-while-bugs-climb-out-of-your-nipples death by forwarding you hoax emails, so I guess you win anyway.
Even if you
know what a car is, you idiot.
This is what they look like.
Email #2: "FW: For Every Person You Forward This To, A Penny Is Donated To Some Sort Of Child-Related Cause!"
Whether it's a rare form of cancer, a natural disaster, or just a good ol' fashioned baby-snatching, there are always going to be children out there who need your help. And since email is such a cheap way to reach millions of people worldwide, using it to get your message out seems like a perfectly effective solution, right? You know - because if the kid gets even just