Below are the best tracks from the Smart Kids Album. I've left off two of the tracks, "I'm Glad I'm Me" and "Alcohol," the latter of which sees McGruff harmonize like the drunkest cop on the force. They're middling at best. The same cannot be said for the rest of the songs, which rank among the worst music ever recorded by a giant dog.
The first track we'll discuss today is "Cocaine and Crack," which is arguably the capstone of the Smart Kids Album. If crack and cocaine had a sitcom where they adopted a hard-luck orphan, this would be their theme song:
Crack would be lax on discipline but big on hugs.
Note that McGruff urges an unknown party to quit cocaine. It's exactly like "You're So Vain," but not about Warren Beatty masturbating into a cup of coffee or whatever. Anyway, McGruff's obviously not addressing a child, because any 7-year-old with a lemonade stand successful enough to support a full-blown coke habit would be too frightening to tolerate a lecture, let alone allow McGruff to walk away with his balls attached to his body. Judging from the below coloring book, the likeliest candidate of McGruff's beseeching is Sonny the bird, as we must assume McGruff misheard him say he was "coo-coo for coca puffs."
"Cocoa puffs? Nice try, but chocolate's poison. You're all under arrest, except for Frankenberry -- I love him."