Like running over a pedestrian in Grand Theft Auto, vile team names are guilt-free because the whole thing never feels too connected to reality, even if the winners and losers are determined by real-life events. Yet, even in a pocket universe where no one bats an eye at the most disgusting, depraved name ever conceived, there is something somehow even more offensive: when an owner shifts to the other end of the name spectrum and names their team after a serious real-world cause. Last year I was in a league where one of the team names was "Justice4Trayvon." An acquaintance of mine played in a league that had a team named "BostonStrong" in remembrance of the Boston marathon bombing.
Getty Images/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
Zimmerman and O.J. are killing it in my Murderers Who Got Away With It fantasy league.
Take whatever cause you believe in most, then open your toilet bowl and shout that cause into the s**t-flaked water loud enough to ripple the surface. Flush if you'd like. By doing that, you've just made as much of an impact on the world as you would by naming your fantasy football team after a cause you support. Fantasy football is supposed to be a fun distraction. Unless you're George Zimmerman, who the f**k would want to beat a team named Justice4Trayvon? Do you want to crush the strength and healing power of Boston with the might of your fake football team? The frivolous misuse of the cause is insulting to the cause. More than that, it's also a huge bummer. Can't wait to see how thoroughly I crush the team named in remembrance of a deadly bombing that filled us with an all-too-familiar sense of dread and brought us to a nationwide standstill. Yeah, can't wait to play that f****r. It's gonna be a blast.