Laura Hall is the patron saint of drunken consequences.
Laura Hall is the first human being to be banned from drinking in an entire country. I once got 86'ed from a bar for dry-humping a jukebox (in my defense, it was playing Journey's "Separate Ways," and I am but a man, with all of man's weaknesses). That's what it takes to get a single building to refuse to serve you alcohol again. Laura Hall did something so outrageous that an entire country put her picture up on the wall with the line "DO NOT SERVE" underlined six times. And the story, impossibly, gets better from there:
That country ... was England.
Nobody is drunker than England! Except places that are kind of England anyway, like Wales -- where Laura Hall is also banned from drinking. That's right: Not one, but two countries are so frightened of what Laura Hall does with a few in her that they have instituted nationwide bans to keep her from consuming alcohol within their borders. And getting hilariously, criminally drunk is all Wales does! Wales is Europe's Florida. The words on the national crest of Wales are "f**k you, I can drive." Their entire language looks like a drunken email to your ex. Their national anthem is the slurred words to Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping" -- and f*****g Wales thought Hall was so out of control that they had to adopt a liquor fatwa.