Even worse, Arizona, which you might recognize as a state that shares a border with Mexico and as a generally terrible place, has some of the loosest gun laws in all the land. Sure, you have to pass a background check to buy a gun there ... if you buy it from a licensed dealer. The problem is, they have almost no restrictions on private owners reselling guns. It's expected that they won't sell them to "prohibited possessors," but they also don't require private sellers to run a background check of any sort -- it's more like a gentlemen's agreement than an actual law.

That's video of journalist Mariana van Zeller buying guns without even having a goddamn I.D. on her at a gun show in Arizona, and YouTube is littered with countless videos of investigative reporter-types doing the exact same thing. It's safe to assume that criminals don't have a much harder time making a purchase in that environment. Gun laws don't matter if you don't keep track of where they go once they're sold. We don't, and, as a result, Mexico is one of the most dangerous countries on the planet. Keep that in mind next time you complain about illegal immigrants. I'll take having my country flooded with people looking for work over guns any day.

Guns aren't the only way we're destroying Mexico, either.

That easy-to-say acronym stands for North American Free Trade Agreement, and it's what we've been using to destroy Mexico for more than two decades now. In the simplest terms, NAFTA removed all of the trade restrictions that, up to that point, had prevented U.S. businesses from entering that country and wreaking the maximum amount of havoc possible. Critics argued that it would mean fewer jobs for Americans, Clinton argued that it would mean more jobs for Americans, and both sides agreed that Mexico could get fucked either way.

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Enjoy your steep drop in wages!

There's actually too much awfulness about NAFTA to cover it all in this entry, so let's focus on one thing: high-fructose corn syrup. It replaced sugar in most U.S. soft drinks a long time ago, but wasn't much of a presence in Mexico -- prior to NAFTA. Once that law passed, however, exports of high-fructose corn syrup to Mexico increased by 1,200 percent. Guys, that's a whole lot, and it's a huge problem.

See, some researchers have noticed that high-fructose corn syrup, unlike actual sugar, produces addictive effects similar to those seen in cocaine. What does that mean? Well, for all of the talk about Americans being the fattest people in the world, Mexico actually surpassed the U.S. in adult obesity rates in 2013, mostly because they've also become the country that consumes the most soda.

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Coke: the deadliest way to invade a country without using the military.

At one point, the Mexican government proposed a tax on imported products that contain high-fructose corn syrup in an effort to stem the tide a bit, and the World Trade Organization promptly swooped in to shoot it down after corn producers in this country complained. Thanks, Bill Clinton!

It's not just Mexico we're making fat, though. All over the world, the rise of American fast food companies overseas is, predictably, having the same effect on those countries that it did here at home. Like in Qatar, for example, where adult obesity rates are in the neighborhood of 50 percent.

That same scenario is playing out all over the world, even as demand for fast food in this country is on the decline. In fact, that's probably why interest is increasing elsewhere. As another famous corporate villain has proved, when favor turns against you in this country, the best thing to do is take your show on the road. That's why ...

We were still friends then, you know? Iran, on the other hand, was the enemy, and, if Iraq was willing to fight them, we were willing to send them the weapons they needed to do it. For all intents and purposes, we built the military that we eventually went into Iraq to destroy.

Now, we're doing it all over again in Syria ... maybe? We're definitely sending them weapons, but that's where our ability to know how that decision will play out in the long run ends. Someone will take power, and we'll hope that they like us, and, if not, we'll either take our weapons back or send more to someone else in the country willing to start another fight with a newer and fancier arsenal.

On the bright side, a handful of old rich white dudes will probably make a shit-ton of cash the entire time!