"Shawty got some real good P'nuss / If that shit stink, then she need to di'nush"
Listen, it's not that I don't understand what 2 Chainz was trying to do here. Throughout this entire song, he does that thing where you insert an extra sound or word into the middle of otherwise normal words. Like how all the soccer moms in your life still say "shizit." Or, for a more relevant example, this song is called "Crack," but at various points he says "crinack" instead.
Well, what you see above is simply another example of that -- the only difference being that in this case, he's trying to say the word "puss" in a way that will never, ever ever sound like anything other than "penis." Go ahead, give it a listen. Slow it down, speed it up, chop it, screw it, do whatever you need. I promise you will never hear him say anything other than "penis," which just makes the whole followup about douche even more weird.
Fred Durst Briefly Forgets Who He Is
"So you better get some better beats and, uh, better rhymes."
Unless Fred Durst wrote this while staring at his own reflection in a mirror and sobbing, these words have no business ever coming out of his mouth. I've never written a rhyme in my life, and I promise I write better rhymes than Fred Durst. You write better rhymes than Fred Durst. Everyone writes better rhymes than Fred Durst. That's just how it works. His defining characteristic is that we all know he sucks at everything. We let him poke his head back into pop culture every five years just to remind ourselves that no matter how bad things have gotten, at least we still aren't Fred Durst. I'd rather be Robert Durst than Fred Durst. I'd trust Suge Knight to tell me how to avoid getting shot before I'd listen to Fred Durst give one single piece of advice on how to write better rhymes. I could go on, but you probably get the idea by now.
Adam spits rhymes exclusively on Twitter, follow him there @adamtodbrown. You should also come see him tell jokes live and in person in Chicago on June 25th at North Bar in Wicker Park. Get tickets here!
Which Sci-Fi Trope Would You Bring To The Real World, And Why? Every summer, we're treated to the same buffet of three or four science fiction movies with the same basic conceits. There's man vs. aliens, man vs. robots, man vs. army of clones, and man vs. complicated time travel rules. With virtual reality and self-driving cars fast approaching, it's time to consider what type of sci-fi movie we want to be living in for the rest of our lives. Co-hosts Jack O'Brien and Adam Tod Brown are joined by Cracked's Tom Reimann and Josh Sargent and comedians David Huntsberger, Adam Newman, and Caitlin Gill to figure out which sci-fi trope would be the best to make a reality. Get your tickets to this live podcast here!
You'll continue to be confused by these artists when you read The 15 Most Baffling Boasts in the History of Rap, and check out when Ice-T inadvertently admitted to dating a man in 14 More of the Most Unintentionally Gay Rap Lyrics Ever.
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