If IMDb Parents Guides were the Olympics, The Wolf of Wall Street would win every event, because it would be the only country allowed to compete. It's like an insane robot trying to write an episode of Red Shoe Diaries.
A man is shown lying nude on his stomach while a woman straddles his bare buttocks and places a burning candle in his anus; the woman then drips hot wax on his back and he yells. His buttocks are seen.
I like that we have to describe exactly how much of the buttock is visible during the anal candle scene, as if there is some specific exposed-buttcheek-to-asshole-candle ratio that would decide whether this sequence is appropriate for children.
Several fully nude women are seen on a boat (bare breasts, buttocks, and shaved/unshaved pubic regions are visible).
A man snorts cocaine out of a woman's anus and smacks her bare buttocks; we see the woman's buttocks.
A woman walks in on a gay orgy and witnesses many men having sex in various positions; thrusting, bare chests, abdomens, bare buttocks, and legs are seen. (Two men's genitals are briefly seen from a distance.)
If you took one of Kevin Spacey's journals from Se7en and managed to decode its feverishly scribbled spider language, it would look exactly like the IMDb Parents Guide for The Wolf of Wall Street. Whoever wrote this had to pause each scene and rewind it several times to get all the details right, like they were playing nudity bingo.
A man and a woman have sex; we see him thrusting on top of her, with her bare breasts, vagina, and buttocks visible, while his bare buttocks, back, and legs are seen.
His legs are seen.
We hear that a seagull flew into the engine of a plane and we see the plane explode midair.
A very intoxicated man flies a helicopter and nearly crashes it in his backyard.
Two men smoke crack and behave erratically.
Evidently at some point The Wolf of Wall Street becomes a crossover episode of The A-Team and Miami Vice.
Probably right around this scene.
Read Tom's novel Stitches and follow him on Twitter and Tumblr, where only 40 percent of his buttocks is visible at any given time.
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