The 12 Most Deeply Unsexy Halloween Costumes

12

Sexy Ebola Nurse

11

Zulu Warrior Adult Men's Costume

If you're trying to express everything wrong with you and your sense of humor, this Zulu Warrior costume is a jackpot. There's no apologizing for it. Even if we lived in a world completely without racism, this costume would have just invented it. For instance, it involves holding two pointless bones. That's somehow extra offensive, but why? Were they meant to be tools? Musical instruments? Food? It's quite a discovery. I feel like Zulu Warrior Adult Men's costume may be the key to finally understanding how the mind of a total piece of shit works.

10

2 Broke Girls Waitress Dress

There are certain TV shows so culturally important they become a part of our shared experience. For instance, if you've never seen Game of Thrones, you may still know what a Red Wedding is or how you need to stop reading if someone types "Ned Stark's head falls off." 2 Broke Girls is not one of those shows. If you told me 2 Broke Girls was a Honey Boo Boo spinoff about the children she maimed in a sitting accident, I'd believe you. I'd have to since there isn't a single neuron in my brain carrying information about the actual 2 Broke Girls show. I don't mean to brag; I just happen to be that lucky.

What do you talk about with a person wearing this? "They made you work on Halloween? Oh ... oh, this is your costume. 'Max. 2 Broke Girls.' Oh, are you, like, promoting the show, or ... no? This ... you just chose to wear THIZzzzzz. Sorry, I started to fall asleep when I pictured spending any more time with you ever, doing anything."

9

Happy Camper

Dressing up as a play on words is a big Halloween risk. At best you're hoping to get zero to one honest laughs from the party's dumbest attendants. And in this case, that's a real danger. The term "happy camper" could certainly be used to describe a child with a boner, but is that really a moment you want to share with anyone? You're dressed as a pun only child pornographers and Family Circus fans would enjoy. That's officially the worst Venn diagram a person can be in the center of, and you're trying to entertain that person? Fuck you, Happy Camper. Fuck you and your clever little child boner.

8

Ladies Interactive Tetris Costume

7

Wanna Nookie

Picture someone wearing this Wanna Nookie costume. Really imagine him, rubbing his padded tummy against women. Performing hula moves half-remembered from a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Repeating jokes about "lei-ing" you with an unclear amount of irony. I don't even have a joke about this costume -- I just want to warn Halloween partiers that everyone who has ever been inside it is a rapist.

6

Little Miss Supreme

This is a troubling outfit. It has all the creepy, inappropriate sexuality of a children's pageant, yet with the totally appropriate sexuality of a loose woman on Halloween. It's like something a genius female scientist would invent to make one-night-stands feel shame for the rest of their lives.

They might have covered this in your health class, ladies, but if a man pursues you while you're dressed like a little girl, don't fuck him. That's a kidnapper, at least. And when they find you in this later, it's only going to confuse the poor FBI profiler examining your body. Because no one will ever guess you put yourself in this outfit. No one.

5

The Shocker

4

Adult Skittles Costume Dress

EARTH PARTY, I AM SKITTLES. DO NOT FEAR OR INSPECT ME. I AM SKITTLES.

3

Down for the Count

2

Tribal Trouble Indian Costume

Here's the strange thing about Halloween costume shopping: you get only about 20 percent of the costume you see in the pictures. So I hope you have your own Native American headdress, you culturally insensitive bitch, because this costume doesn't come with one.

1

King Dong

When you're in black face and an inflatable cock, it's probably not your fault. Some kind of childhood trauma made you into this monster. Maybe you were trapped in a cargo container while the Wayans brothers workshopped an early draft of a Scary Movie script. Maybe your mohel was confused and left you in a pile of foreskins while your family accidentally raised the hood of your penis. My point is, something unimaginable happened, and here we are with your racist face grinning at us from a giant dick. The only thing that matters now is finding a way to stop you.

Seanbaby is a top humorist and game designer. Geniuses play his critically acclaimed Calculords on their mobile devices. You can follow him on Twitter.

For more of his comical hilarity, see 4 Celebrity Workout Videos That Should Not Have Been or maybe 7 Terrible Sports Achievements (That Will Never Be Equaled).

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