I love ice cream. It’s the only dessert that when I eat it, it somehow gets into my stomach and pushes all the other food out of the way to make room for more. I’m convinced that if I were ever in a sitcom-style situation in which I were trapped in an ice cream warehouse, the paramedics would find me dead in the morning, stomach ripped open like the fat guy in 7
, face down in a puddle of pralines and cream.
Thus it is with great sadness that I report to you the death of one Irvine Robbins
, without whom we’d have to choose from a measly 15.5 flavors at our local Baskin
Oh well; making it to 90 is quite a feat for a guy who spent his life constantly surrounded by cookie dough.
And in the interest of honoring the man, I think it’d be a good time to point out how crucial his life really was. Without people like Irvine, there’d be no filter between the vast uncharted territory of ice cream flavors and those 31 gleaming tubs in the ice cream parlor. There would be no one to delineate what is delicious and what is sacrilege.
And lest you think such delineation is unnecessary, I’d like to direct your attention to:
The 10 Worst Ice Cream Flavors Ever
10. Wasabi Ginger
First of all, it actually burns your sinuses, like eating wasabi. Whatever points that earns for accuracy, it immediately loses for unpleasantness, which is the same reason jelly belly samplers always have jalapenos left over. And surprisingly, this flavor is from Cold Stone, the kind of class act you wouldn’t expect to make such a rookie mistake. For shame. What am I supposed to mix in, chunks of fish?