9

The Giant Lamp -- Malmo, Sweden

Via Super Tight Stuff

In the Swedish city of Malmo, there is a light that never goes out. Too bad said light comes in the form of a giant-ass table lamp that switches spots seemingly at will and whispers to passersby in a broken, not-quite-Swedish subliminal language of mayhem:

"Ia! Ia! R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn bork bork bork!"

The Giant Lamp of Malmo is a 19-foot inexplicably popular sculpture that tours the squares of the city as the year progresses, only to return to its headquarters at Lilla Torg Square for Christmas. The words "ritual" and "blood" don't feature in the description, but considering that this is a country that habitually pulls a (hopefully mostly Nic Cage-less) Wicker Man with a giant goat sculpture most Christmastimes, it's pretty safe to assume they're heavily implied.

8

The Enema Statue -- Zheleznovodsk, Russia

Via Medicingid

7

Man Hanging Out -- Prague, Czech Republic

Via Civic Arts Project

So you're walking the historic streets of Prague, enjoying the fine spring weather, and suddenly your gaze lands on a worrying sight. Holy shit, there's a dude hanging for dear life from a beam that's inexplicably dangling from a rooftop! Uncertain of whether you're witnessing a scene in a James Bond movie or a tragic situation just a few minutes away from ending up as sidewalk splatter, you spring into action and call the authorities.

A few minutes later, a cop strolls over and gives you an enthusiastic slap over the head. Congratulations! You've just become the 367th person this month alone to let Prague's sculpture of Sigmund Freud fool you.

Via Bestourism
It's called Man Hanging Out, because lame puns are the only thing Prague loves more than scaring people.

6

The Big Lobster -- Kingston, South Australia

Via ABC Australia

Aaaaaahhhhh! That is not better at all!

Australia has the virtual monopoly on creatures that can scar our mental and physical capacities merely by saying "Boo." The thing you may not know is that somewhere down the line the continent apparently just said "screw it" and started building giant effigies for all creatures great and small that may or may not be able to murder them in some manner, up to and very much including pineapples.

The Big Lobster is the king of said statues. It's a massive construct 59 feet tall, 45 feet wide, and 50 feet long that depicts what is either a lobster or a hitherto unknown kaiju species that Australia has thus far been able to hide from the rest of the world in order to keep luring tourists in, much like Mayor Vaughn did in Jaws.

Riana Dzasta
The locals call it Larry, which is Australian for "Sir."

5

The Hare -- Nuremberg, Germany

Via Panoramio

The last time you and your sweet grandmother visited the cultured city of Nuremberg didn't go quite as planned, as the local "Fountain of Virtue" turned out to be the sort of lactation frenzy most niche porn companies could only hope to deliver. This time, you've decided to play it safe. Apart from strictly PG-rated galleries and churches, your only point of interest is going to be the sculpture made in honor of Grandma's favorite painting, Albrecht Durer's The Young Hare:

Via Wikipedia
Awwww.

There's no way you could go wrong with this one. Sure of yourself, you stop to pat yourself on the back for your choice, letting Grandma limp ahead to the plaza that serves as home to the Hare:

Via Cuniculture
Ewwww.

4

Floralis Generica -- Buenos Aires, Argentina

Gobierno de la Ciudad de Buenos Aires

Quick: What's worse than a 75-foot steel statue that looks like the doomsday weapon of a Bond villain? That's right, a 75-foot doomsday statue that moves.

Floralis Generica is a giant 23-meter-tall metal flower/murder beam pedestal that was built and donated to the city of Buenos Aires by architect Eduardo Catalano. Its giant steel petals open and close, depending on the time of day. During the dark hours, the sculpture emits an ominous red light that is supposed to appear comforting, but is clearly just waiting to blast passing superheroes out of the sky.

Via ChessBase
If there's not an evil lair under this thing yet, I'm calling dibs.

The artist says the sculpture "is a synthesis of all the flowers and is both a hope that is reborn every day to open," which we can only assume is the code phrase for opening the door of the giant vault underneath Floralis Generica that controls its death ray.

3

Transi de Rene de Chalon -- Bar-le-Duc, France

Via Morbid Anatomy

2

Genghis Khan -- Mongolia

heckepics/iStock/Getty Images

So you have become weary of the strain of modern life and decide to turn over a new leaf in the farthest, most quiet corner of the world you can imagine. Your travels take you to Mongolia's grassy plains, where you happily wander for days. Finally, you are content.

Then, suddenly, you see something massive looming on the horizon, and things get fucking metal.

heckepics/iStock/Getty Images
Play for full effect.

1

Maman -- Fucking Everywhere

John Talbot

Sweet rusty trombone, look at that thing!

Jesus Christ, world. Are you throwing huge man-made spiders at us again? We've had this discussion before -- we don't need any massive artificial arachnids, we already have Australia to supply the non-existing demand for the real thing a hundred million times over.

Still, because we live in a terrible world, here's Maman, a 30-foot-high spider ... fucking ... thing that lurks the courtyards and alleyways of, well, absolutely everywhere. Not only is your average Maman a traveling exhibition, but there are also at least half a dozen of them around, meaning that during any given moment these things roam several countries at once. Now, keep that in mind as we explore its egg sac:

Via Panoramio
Yes, of course it has an absurdly detailed, ready-to-burst egg sac. It's almost as if you've never seen a horror movie.

Born from the mind of sculptor Louise Bourgeois, Maman is subject to many an analysis about the nature of humanity and the position of spiders in culture. Judging by the statue's looks alone, the answer to the former is most likely "snacks," and to the latter, "in charge."