This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
For being the physical embodiment of the American Dream, you'd think driving a car would be enjoyable, and not a nightmarish blend of crumbling infrastructure, "check engine" lights, and traffic jams that seem to last decades. Eh, on second thought, perhaps driving a car is a very apt metaphor for the American Dream. Best not to question it and just keep driving, hoping that it gets better. Instead of falling into a pit of automotive angst, here are some affordable tools to turn your driving experience into high-tech luxury.
Zus Smart Car Charger & Locator
We've all been there. You're leaving an amusement park that's as big as some Central European countries, and you walk back to where you're certain your car was parked. But instead of your vehicle, all you find is an empty spot staring back at you. No, the car wasn't stolen; you're just a dummy, and now you're doomed to hiking up and down a parking garage like it's a hidden trail at Yosemite. Get the Zus smart locator to keep track of your wheels and never embarrass yourself in a parking lot full of strangers ever again. It also charges your phone and monitors your car battery health, because hey, why not shoot for greatness? Grab the Zus Smart Car Charger & Locator here for $29.99.
Car Plug-In Air Purifier
Due to our particular taste in, ahem, cuisine, our cars smell like cheap tacos and cheaper attempts at masking that taco smell. Rather than buying a constant stream of dangling Christmas trees, get the Plug-In Air Purifier to hide the aromatic evidence of your vehicular indulgences (and any other unpleasant smells emitted). And unlike those Christmas trees from the gas station, this doesn't smell like Tic Tac farts. For clean, odor-free air, get this Car Plug-In Air Purifier for $19.99.
ExoMount Touch Universal Car Mount
Most of us have abandoned the traditional standalone GPS in favor of using the GPS on our smartphones, thus saving a few hundred bucks in the process. However, that still leaves a generation of drivers looking into their laps every 2.5 seconds instead of focusing on the screaming metal death that lurks on the pavement around them. The ExoMount suctions onto any smooth surface and expands to fit a variety of device sizes, keeping your eyes straight ahead and our roads much, much safer. Pick it up here for $18.75.
High Definition Dash Cam
Since most non-commercial vehicles are missing the "How's my driving?" sticker, you gotta take driver-shaming into your own hands. Like a GoPro for your car, the Dash Cam captures the sorry stunts of every reckless driver you encounter, providing you the video proof you need to defend yourself in court, or at the very least something to submit to your favorite car crash compilation YouTube series. Grab this High Definition Dash Cam for $24.
HUDWAY Glass Heads-Up Navigation Display
Whether it's the inside of Iron Man's helmet or Luke Skywalker's targeting computer, everyone seems to have awesome futuristic flight assistance but you. But now you can give your car that ultra-fancy cockpit vibe with a high-tech transparent heads-up display. This HUDWAY glass navigation screen displays views of speed, map directions, and anything else that HUD-based phone apps are capable of showing. That means you can follow Google Maps without taking your eyes off the road, which is fairly important when you're driving. Get it here for $49.95.
Ztylus Stinger Car Charger
Look, we get it. Movies have taught us that if we accidentally drive into a lake, it'll only be seconds before a farm boy from Smallville rescues us. We'll then look into his Kryptonian eyes and silently promise to keep his powers a secret. It's an intoxicating fantasy, but not very likely. To help you make the escape that you'll probably have to perform yourself, this emergency tool has a seat belt cutter and spring-loaded window punch. It also works as a phone charger when it isn't saving you from becoming a permanent resident of the bottom of a pond. Pick up the Ztylus Stinger Car Charger Emergency Tool for $19.95.
Kinkoo 10,000 mAh Car Jump Starter Power Bank
Leaving your car lights on all night might deter potential thieves, but your friend with the jumper cables is probably getting pretty sick of driving over every morning. So take matters into your own hands with this jump starter power bank. It has a 10,000 mAh battery that will get you going in no time. And two USB ports let you charge a dead phone too. Grab the Kinkoo 10,000 mAh Car Jump Starter Power Bank for $69.99.
Urge Basics 4-Port Rapid Car Charger
Instead of furiously watching your phone die while caught behind a 20-car pileup, you could calm your angry brain by streaming your favorite podcast (Hint. Hint.) But if you don't have a car charger, then you're S out of L. This car charger has four USB ports to keep your collection of tablets and extra business phones fully charged. Or if you happen to have friends in the car, then one, nice work on having a car full of friends, and two, you can all gleefully charge your phones together! Get this Urge Basics 4-Port Rapid Car Charger for $17.99.
TrapTap Speed Trap Indicator
It goes without saying that we should probably refrain from speeding through school zones. Cops don't like it very much, you could be charged with a pretty heavy fine, and something something children are important. The TrapTap glows different colors to let you know when you're in a school zone, near a speed trap, or around a red light camera. With it, you can avoid any unpleasant exchanges with the highway patrol AND keep kids safe. Huzzah! Grab it here for $149.
FIXD Active Car Health Monitor
Instead of taking your clunker into the shop when it starts making terrible grinding noises, you could, you know, pay attention to those "CHECK ENGINE" lights. But hey, we all didn't take Car Repair Symbology 101, so it's hard to blame you for being a little perplexed by those weird glowing hieroglyphics. The FIXD Active Car Health Monitor takes care of that nonsense for you by plugging into your dashboard and beaming the bad news straight to your phone. Who knew car repair could be this easy? Get it here for $34.99.
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