We should have just admitted that we had perfected the medium years ago.
Further complicating matters is the fact that shows on these services appear and vanish at random like an unreliable boyfriend. Entertainment sites have regular round-ups of what's coming and going from services like Netflix and Hulu, because of rights issues or blood vendettas against Paramount or some vague rambling about being a "curator of content." This forces you to try a new service if you really want to watch that movie your current service had a month ago. Shouldn't curators of content not, you know, lose content? It's like if from April to September, no retailers could sell Blu-ray sets of Breaking Bad, and when asked why, they respond with a vague comment about the ephemeral nature of art.
There's now an entire industry that revolves around helping people sort out streaming nonsense. Want to figure out which of the available services will give you access to the entire run of the beloved classic Joey? Websites exist that will tell you. Want to simplify all of those streaming services that you signed up for so you could simplify television viewing in the first place? Buy a Roku, which is a box that negates the need to have 27 different apps on your computer, console, phone, or toaster to manage all your different services. In their words, "Your Roku account makes signing up for free trials, subscribing, renting, or buying fast and easy." That's great, but doing all of that shouldn't be fucking slow and hard in the first place. Don't like Roku? It has many, many competitors. They're competing in an industry that exists entirely to make a different industry comprehensible and useful.
Also, is it a law that all of these services have to have stupid names? You're not being whimsical by spelling words wrong, Sony.
Competition is healthy to a point, but it's approaching bubble territory. Yahoo's streaming service already went down in flames because everything Yahoo has ever offered the world is terrible. What happens to all the original series on Hulu or Amazon if they have to exit the market? We're supposedly in the era of Peak TV, when there are more shows than critics and fans can possibly keep up with. Streaming services are only adding to that load. If the system collapses and the number of active shows plummets to a more reasonable number, at least a couple of the 47 streaming services out there are going to suffer for it.
I realize that in the grand scheme of things, Americans should be more concerned with, say, fixing healthcare, but this is a classic example of how an industry that started off by making your life easier creeps into being headache-inducing nonsense. Streaming became popular because you paid a flat monthly fee in exchange for a simple, ad-free, all-inclusive experience. Now, serious fans have to combine streaming services into an expensive bundle -- you know, just like the expensive cable bundles streaming billed itself as making obsolete. And streaming has become too ingrained in our lives to offer the industry any incentive to change.
So you either need to bite the bullet or come up with a rotation system wherein you only subscribe to certain services for a month at a time to get the one show you want (and then hope you don't forget to unsubscribe). I don't want to get hysterical, but it's almost enough to make you want to read a book or, ugh, go outside. Let's try to find a solution before we're forced to resort to that.
And be sure to check out Wake Up In A Horror Movie? Here's What You Need To Know..., and let us know about other headsplosion-worthy employees we may have missed.
Also follow us on Facebook and keep calm.
Clones are being used as suicide bombers in an occupied Tehran, a boy suspects that his loving parents intend to kill him on his thirteenth birthday, and a house is just, like, ridiculously haunted. Check out Mark Hill's book Little Lost Things!
Recommended For Your Pleasure
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
- By Ian Fortey
- March 10, 2019
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
- By Seanbaby
- March 15, 2019
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.
- By Boone Ashworth
- March 14, 2019
Given everything we know, there's cause to be worried about these movies.
- By Daniel Dockery
- March 20, 2019