This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
If you're anything like us, you're probably using a vacuum cleaner that saw its glory days in the mid '90s and weighs roughly 300 pounds. And if you're anything like us, you've probably resigned yourself to using this ancient, monstrous thing until either A) It stops working altogether or B) The frayed cord causes your apartment to burn to ashes.
But, and just hear us out on this, there are better options. And those options include these four awesome automated robot vacuum cleaners that are available at the Cracked Store, including a truly righteous limited edition Star Wars robot vacuum from Samsung.
If there's one thing we all hate more than those filthy Rebels, its a filthy floor. That's why you need to get your hands on the Samsung POWERbot limited edition Star Wars Robot Vacuum. The vacuum boasts 20 times the suction power of the old, non-Star Wars version, plus proprietary sensor technology that allows it to successfully navigate your home without hilariously crashing into your furniture like a sabotaged podracer. It also looks like a disembodied stormtrooper head is cleaning your house, which is an experience we previously believed money could not buy.
The POWERbot also has EasyPass wheels that allow it to move between different surface types in your house without getting stuck or tipping over. It can also adjust its suction power as it crosses from carpet to tile to hardwood to whatever space material they used to make the floors in the Death Star (linoleum?). It even plays sound effects from the films to respond to your various commands, making it the first appliance we're aware of that can quote Star Wars while doing your chores for you.
Normally, this awesome vacuum buddy sells for $699, but if you click here right now, you can take 46 percent off that price and get one for just $372.
The ECOVACS Deebot will dutifully clean your floors while you sit around and sip mai tais, and it will never pass judgment on you, because it was not programmed to have feelings. It holds a two-hour charge, can navigate stairs and other wayward obstacles, and it can even mop. You can also schedule the robot to do daily or weekly cleanings, and you can even program it to clean with your smartphone app, so you don't have to set foot inside your messy apartment until the work is done. You can get the Deebot now for $140, a 29 percent discount off its standard $199.99 price tag.
This works similarly to its Slim2 cousin, but serves as the suave, more muscular tag team partner. This Deebot uses an onboard SMART NAVI (as opposed to a dumb, annoying Navi like in Ocarina Of Time) technology to scan your home and determine the most efficient cleaning path. You can also control and monitor its progress via your smartphone, and it will even empty itself of dirt in its charging station. If you click here right now, you can get one for $549, 31 percent off its regular $799 price tag.
Is owning a robot vacuum that does all the cleaning for you still too much work? Well now you can own a robot vacuum that does all the cleaning for you, and you won't even have to leave your chair to turn it on. The Cisno WiFi Robot Vacuum is fully compatible with Amazon Alexa and Google Assistant, so you can just holler at it whenever you want it to clean. It even has WiFi, so you can schedule it to tidy up when you're not at home. If you click here right now, you can get one for just $199.99, 31 percent off the normal retail price of $289.
Keep your entire house in shape from top to bottom with the Cisno True HEPA Air Purifier and the Smart Alexa-Compatible Ultrasonic Aromatherapy Diffuser.
And remember, Summer Cleaning Doesn't Have To Suck (But These Vacuums Do).
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.