, huh? I thought you were a pimp in every sense of the word, Jay. I thought you giving your heart to a woman would never happen and that, further, you'd be forever mackin?" His face turned bright red. "I'm
with you, Sean, ahah, gosh, you get so nervous
sometimes. Anyway, I got you a clock radio. It's waterproof, so you can use it in the shower."
Anyway, it was at the reception when I ran into Vanilla Ice and he did not
"What's wrong, Robert? Where's Mrs. Van Winkle?"
"Oh, hey D.O.B., I didn't see you there. Laura's not coming tonight, we're having someâ¦ problems." He seemed really broken up.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"We...We just keep arguing. Arguing over stupid s**t, you know? I mean, how do I even know if I'm really in love with her?"
I sat him down.
"Love is very simple, Ice. When you're in love, you can just
it. Something grabs a hold of you tightly. Love flows, like a harpoon, not just daily, but nightly, too."
"Wow. That was beautiful." He then proceeded to tell me all about his marital troubles and how that pesky wife of his just keeps spending all of the money he's earned (?) over the past few decades.
To be fair, I never really liked Laura. I always thought she was just using him for his money, connections and his locked position as a laughably obscure pop celebrity, (residing in a place I've named Popscurity). But, as much as I think Laura Van Winkle has always been a gold-digging opportunist, I've always kept my mouth shut about it. Who am I to intervene, you know?
"I mean, I definitely love her," Ice said as the reception was winding down. "But she just keeps spending all of my dough-flow, yo. Just last week, she bought a fridge, a wine rack, and