Stone Temple Pilots vs. New Kids on the Block

Surely by now you've heard: both Stone Temple Pilots and New Kids on the Block are gettin' the band back together and going on tour!!! You haven't heard? Well, where've ya been? Oh. Listening to music that's relevant? Gotcha. Anyway, just in case you were considering how to waste your money best, I've put together this comparison chart to help weigh the decision.

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Stone TemplePilots

New Kids on the Block

From 1 to 10, How exciting is the reunion news?

2.8

- 2.8

Likelihood a band member will OD before tour completed

15%. (There is, however, an 85% chance Weilland will OD before the tour starts)

Only 5% unless it’s possible to overdose on Zima.

What would make the show more exciting to watch

If it were the Foo Fighters

nSync coming out for a “to the death” tickle fight

The first time I heard the band I thought:

“Man, I hope Pearl Jam kicks their ass.”

“Why are my ears bleeding?”

Gained more respect for the band after

UnPlugged and Big Empty

They set themselves on fire during their reunion tour to protest the war in Iraq

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Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, his full name, and state of residence. And would someone click on the red Gladstone in the byline above and become my Cracked buddy? I'm a big loser and my 3 "friends" just aren't easing the pain.
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