If you're feeling a little heartbroken that your hero would lie about who he is as a person, take heart in knowing that he also lies about how much of a creative genius he is. A Vanity Fair profile of Seagal includes a moment which proves that while he might be a conceited jerk, at least he's... no, no that's all it proved:
One day an executive walked into Seagal's trailer and found Hollywood's reigning manly man ... Weeping. "Oh, I'm reading this script," Seagal explained, still misty. 'It's the most incredible script I've ever read.
"That's fantastic," the executive said, "Who wrote it?"
Seagal didn't miss a beat. "I did," he replied.
Some say that on quiet nights, when the Santa Ana winds are blowing through Southern California, you can still hear that executive's laugh. And if you listen closely, you can also hear his death rattle. Steven Seagal has never been in on the joke of Steven Seagal, the way Chuck Norris kind of is with his tepid embrace of Chuck Norris Facts. Seagal has that blend of self-delusion and pretension which renders introspection impossible. That explains why he once wrote a script about AIDS which led to him explaining to studio executives that AIDS was created by the CIA to "eradicate blacks and gays."
More than anything, I want to read the script for Steven Seagal Slap-Fights AIDS. Knowing the formula for all his movies from his peak, there was probably an evil AIDS baron in a cowboy hat who gets a cut of the profits whenever the disease kills opponents of the Straight White American Male Agenda, so Seagal uses his martial arts skills to kill him with a shotgun before he can pour barrels of liquid AIDS into an inner-city water supply. Also, his partner and/or girlfriend was killed. Not by AIDS, though. Probably by a gun or something.
Speaking of which, for a supposed martial arts expert, Seagal spends most of his movies shooting people at point-blank range. That raises the question of whether or not he's actually good at martial arts. The internet tells me he has a number of black belts, so maybe he's good. I don't know. What do people who actually use their martial arts for a living think of him? Let's ask MMA legend Anderson Silva and his team of trainers as they make fun of Seagal's fighting style: